Even Deeper

(from Wikipedia)

Left disc
#	Title	Length
1.	"Somewhat Damaged" (Reznor, Danny Lohner)	4:31
2.	"The Day the World Went Away"	4:33
3.	"The Frail"	1:54
4.	"The Wretched"	5:25
5.	"We're in This Together"	7:16
6.	"The Fragile"	4:35
7.	"Just Like You Imagined"	3:49
8.	"Even Deeper" (Reznor, Lohner)	5:48
9.	"Pilgrimage"	3:31
10.	"No, You Don't"	3:35
11.	"La Mer"	4:37
12.	"The Great Below"	5:17

Right disc
#	Title	Length
1.	"The Way Out Is Through" (Reznor, Keith Hillebrandt, Charlie Clouser)	4:17
2.	"Into the Void"	4:49
3.	"Where Is Everybody?"	5:40
4.	"The Mark Has Been Made" (A half-minute of "10 Miles High" is used as an outro.)	5:15
5.	"Please"	3:30
6.	"Starfuckers, Inc." (Reznor, Clouser)	5:00
7.	"Complication"	2:30
8.	"I'm Looking Forward to Joining You, Finally"	4:13
9.	"The Big Come Down"	4:12
10.	"Underneath It All"	2:46
11.	"Ripe (With Decay)"

Ten years ago today, The Fragile was released. Critics got their year-end list topper, Trent Reznor got his magnum opus and I got my all-time favorite album. Nothing will ever move me as much as this 104-minute piece of artistic integrity and damaged emotion did. Years after my discovery of The Fragile, it still feels as fresh and painful as it did eight years ago, when I first bought it. My heart still pounds whenever I hear Just Like You Imagined, We're in This Together still leaves me breathless, and I still can't help shutting my eyes during the guitar solo on The Fragile.
I'm out of words. Just... fuck, I love you, The Fragile. Happy 10-year anniversary.

Oh yeah, here:


We did it again, Nine Inch Nails makes the Twitter trending topics yet again. We're just an awesome fanbase. I don't know why Trent is such an asshole to us sometimes.



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Now playing: Nine Inch Nails - Pilgrimage
via FoxyTunes

Photoshop Skills

Oh Grecia... why do I allow you to get anywhere near me?

Yeah, I'm posing like a whore. My top was originally brown. Jumby's was black.

***EDIT

OK, whatever shit I said about the above picture, I totally take it back.



I think we should all take Grecia's computer away from her.


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Now playing: Primal Scream - Shoot Speed/Kill Light
via FoxyTunes

Memories...

Sara's going away party.


Mafer, Sara, Jumby and I. (don't fucking look at me, that's a very unflattering angle)


Julia!


Class of '10, '11, '12, '13 saying goodbye to Sara. Can anyone spot me? I can't.

I miss you already. So does Grecia.

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Now playing: Catherine Wheel - Salt
via FoxyTunes

Eleven Songs that Marked My Youth

In no particular order:

Butthole Surfers - Who Was in My Room Last Night?
If it wasn't for the Butthole Surfers, I wouldn't have known about Ween, and without those two bands, I wouldn't have ever learned the meaning of comedy rock. Most of my friends don't know the Butthole Surfers, so every time they see their name on my iPod, they giggle. Butt jokes will never run out of style, eh?

The Jesus Lizard - Bloody Mary
Because The Jesus Lizard showed me what a genius Steve Albini is. Without Albini, Cobain would have been like the Conor Oberst of the nineties: an overly sensitive, bordering-on-emo indie douchebag. God, I love noise.

David Bowie - Ziggy Stardust
Obvious, I don't even know why I put that on here. Having Bowie on this type of list is like claiming the Earth is round.

The Clash - White Riot
I might have already talked about this song before. I don't care, though. There was a time when I was obsessed with the Clash, and I would be embarrassed of it, hadn't this been such a crucial moment in my musical education. Without The Clash, I wouldn't have become interested in punk, and I would have never been introduced to bands that, to this day, remain among my favorites -- Adam & the Ants, Siouxsie, The Buzzcocks, blah... Plus, it's The Clash! I mean, dude!

The Cure - How Beautiful You Are
My mother, in her extreme musical ignorance, would occasionally play The Cure. My earliest recollections of Cure date back to when I was eight/nine-ish. She would usually play Lovesong, though, so I wasn't blown away by them just yet. Until one day she got this album (Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me) and I found religion. I found the REAL Cure. I broke the album from listening to it too much. I still have a place in my heart for it, even though years have passed and I moved on from my Cure days.

Nine Inch Nails - We're in This Together
Back when I still listened to mainstream radio, I stumbled upon this. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was love at first listen. Turns out, this was made by the same dude who sang that profanity-laden MTV song, Closer. That's how it all happened. Eight years later, I'm still faithfully hooked on Reznor's pretty hate machine, and still making sweet love to this song.

Tool - Sober
Damn, was I obsessed with Tool. Having discovered them around the time I discovered the eye-opening magic of Nine Inch Nails, I felt like I was in music heaven. From Undertow, an album that scared me upon first listen. It was really, really dark! (come on, cut me some slack, I was 12!)

Portishead - Glory Box
One of the first songs that gave me chills and made every single hair in my body stand up. I've been obsessed with sad female voices ever since.

Radiohead - Fake Plastic Trees
I cried. I cried hard to this song. That speaks for itself. It's fucking Radiohead, of course I had to cry!

Patti Smith - Because the Night
Bah, boring, I know. Well, it was an important song to me, I loved it. Mother, on the other hand, loved the 10,000 Maniacs cover. Even so early in the game, I knew that cover could never top the original. I was about 10.

U2 - New Year's Day
Another contribution from my mother to my musical upbringing. Old-school U2 wasn't so bad. I would listen to this song on repeat till I fell asleep every night (along with Unforgiven by Metallica lol, but that I won't mention here *blushes*) and would have dreams of debris and destruction and chaos. Now that was freaky. Maybe it was a premonition of the future of U2. Jesus, do they suck hard now!

Bonus!
Skinny Puppy - Dig It
There's a story behind this song, and this album (Mind: The Perpetual Intercourse), but I won't tell it today. I used to be a huge Skinny Puppy fan, now not so much, but this song... wow, I don't know why it stuck so much. Maybe it's cause it's like NIN's Down in It's daddy.

Heh. Notice how, except for NIN and a couple bands here and there, I don't really listen to any of these people anymore? Ok, maybe I do. Not as much as I used to, though.

Also, notice how I didn't curse ONCE in this entry? Wow, how did that happen? Ok, I said douchebag. Big fucking deal! Oops! *covers mouth* Shhhhhh!!!

***EDIT: I should have also put Sonic Youth on here.



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Now playing: Pigface - Bushmaster Bushmaster Remix
via FoxyTunes

Wave, wave, wave, wave goodbye...

And so, the day has arrived. Thursday, September 10th, 2009. The unstoppable force of nature that is Nine Inch Nails as a live entity has officially ceased to exist as of today.

I am filled with mixed feelings right now, unable to display emotion, but keeping it all tightly inside my chest. On one hand, I'm cynical, believing this is a big fat lie and NIN will go back to the world of touring after an extended and well deserved break. I'm also hopeful, because if this is correct, that means eventually, I will get another chance to witness the sheer brilliance of my favorite band's show; as I never got my 'Downward Spiral album on its entirety' experience, or my 'special guests' experience, or any awe-inspiring NIN moment worth recalling, and even though I was able to watch all of these remarkable events from afar at least, I was green with envy to know so many people were there and I was not. I was, at some point, very apathetic towards this tour, and this band, and its mastermind -- a series of poor decisions and anger issues on his part sort of blew my bubble, so to speak, and made me lose interest in everything regarding him and his band. Yes, I have been feeling all sorts of things today. I woke up excited to see what surprises awaited us tonight. Logged on to Twitter to find all my Tweeple (people I'm Twitter friends with lol), who are mostly NIN fans too, walking down memory lane, remembering their favorite NIN moments, saying goodbye to a big part of their lives -- a collective farewell to the one thing that brought an entire community together. I felt nostalgic, like I had this huge hole in my stomach that wouldn't fucking close. I forgot about NIN for a while as I focused on my real life for a change. Then I came back home and the landslide of love and devotion towards the band was in full swing. I joined the cause, tweeted my ass off, and helped do this, which made me feel happy and giddy and proud:


All those tweets with the #NIN hashtag from NIN fans everywhere made the last #NIN show into a number one trending topic on Twitter. Fuck yes.


Now, as the last show is happening in Los Angeles, miles, time zones, millions of people away from me, I can't help feeling this overwhelming wave of anger and sadness wash over me. Why the fuck would you quit now? Why the fuck would you do this to so many people? Oh, fuck! I am sad, because an era is officially ending tonight, and as someone who has been a part of it for well over 8 years, I don't want to see it go away. It would be like saying goodbye to my adolescence, all those years of singing Hurt with such fervor tears fell down involuntarily, all those nights screaming to Head Like a Hole emulating Reznor's emotion. All the 'fist fuck's, all the 'fuck you like an animal's, all the 'starfuckers'. If there's anything I can say Reznor has taught me well throughout all these years, is to feel, intensely and passionately. And to curse. Intensely and passionately as well. In LA, the show keeps going and feeling is coming back to me. Eyes shut tight, keeping tiny tears inside. *must.not.cry, for fuck's sake*

I am gonna break the Trent embargo that I claimed here only to say this:

Reznor, I know you're an asshole and regardless of how I feel about you in general right now, I cannot NOT thank you. Everything I am right now has been influenced one way or another by you and your fucked up shit. Who would have thought that your angst-ridden electro-noise would bring me so much joy and life. So now you're waving us goodbye and going away to do God-knows-what, and God knows I wholeheartedly disagree with whatever it is that you're about to do, but at least I had a chance to wave you goodbye like you asked us on that one post on nin.com. So thank you. I'm always awkward with thank you's, but since you're not reading this, I don't give a shit. I just had to get it out somehow, and now I did. I know this is not the end of NIN. You've said it a million times already, you're gonna keep working on music, blah blah blah. I also know there'll be a comeback, and I will be there, because I can't help it, I'm obsessed with your music. In fact, I now realize that I've only felt love for one thing in my life, and that is your evil, inappropriate-for-minors, industrial-lite music. Yeah, I have that many issues.

And with this, the Trent embargo becomes effective again.

My bootleg of the Henry Fonda show is almost over, and the most beautiful rendition of Hurt is playing. Tears are finally spilling and I am waving, waving, waving, waving goodbye to what was and will always be Nine Inch Nails. I can't believe I'm crying.

Now I move on. I have some serious growing up to do and I expect to start doing it as soon as the final show is over. In the meantime I will sit back and enjoy the show. Dave Navarro is onstage now. Will update this post with the official setlist tomorrow.

And that's all I have to say about that.


Oh wait!

Meathead also quit! Now that is pretty fucking sad. In fact, I think I'm crying right now cause there won't be any more Meathead Perspectives to obsessively look forward to. Fuck Reznor, I need Meathead! *cries*

***UPDATE!!!

Setlist here (from EchoingTheSound.com):

2009-09-10
Los Angeles, CA
Wiltern Theater

1. Home
2. Somewhat Damaged
3. The Collector
4. Discipline
5. March of The Pigs
6. Something I Can Never Have
7. The Frail
8. The Wretched
9. Ruiner
10. Head Down
11. Burn
12. Just Like You Imagined (w Mike Garson)
13. La Mer (w Mike Garson)
14. Eraser (w Mike Garson)
15. The Becoming (Still) (w Mike Garson)
16. Down In The Park (w Gary Numan & Mike Garson intro(?) )
17. Metal (w Gary Numan)
18. I Die: You Die (w Gary Numan)
19. 1,000,000
20. Letting You
21. Survivalism
22. Suck
23. Down In It
24. The Hand That Feeds
25. Head Like A Hole
26. Me, I'm Not (w Atticus Ross)
27. The Warning (w Atticus Ross & Dave Navarro)
28. Piggy (Nothing Can Stop Me Now) (w Dave Navarro)
29. Gave Up (w Dave Navarro)
30. Mr. Self Destruct (w The Dillinger Escape Plan)
31. Wish (w The Dillinger Escape Plan)
32. Atmosphere (cover - Joy Division)
33. Dead Souls (cover - Joy Division)
34. The Good Soldier
35. The Day The World Went Away
36. Hurt
37. In This Twilight

Wow. This bootleg is gonna be one hell of a bitch to download. =/


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Now playing: Nine Inch Nails - Dead Souls
via FoxyTunes

I hurt myself today...

... because there is no God up in the sky.

Otherwise, I would have been at the Henry Fonda theater in Los Angeles tonight watching the second to last-ever NIN show. Instead, I got to watch the action as it unfolded on Twitter, like all the other losers who couldn't make it to the show (I would have been on Access but my computer goes on a coma whenever I try to access Access, lol). How pathetic.

Highlights:

• Gary Numan (meh, boring) doing Down in the Park, Cars and Metal with the band.
• Former NIN bassist and Brad Pitt impersonator Danny Lohner joining the band for Heresy (dude said it already on Twitter a couple days ago, no big surprise there) and much more.
• That Greg Pusciato (sp?) dude from Dillinger Escape Plan doing vocals on (guess which song) Wish. And Mr. Self Destruct.
• Jane's Addiction bassist Eric Avery joining NIN and Numan onstage for a (as-of-yet-unknown...) Gang of Four cover (update: it was Anthrax).
• NIN covering Gang of Four!!! Fuck yes Trent Reznor did listen to my suggestion that one time!!! I know I have no evidence of this but I know in my heart that I did suggest they play Gang of Four on this tour when he asked for cover suggestions on Twitter, way back when.
• HEALTH joining onstage for who the fuck knows what.
  
• Trent actually showing emotion and smiling quite a lot throughout the show.
  
• Justin Meldal-Johnsen STAGEDIVING during The Hand that Feeds!!! (am I the only one who thinks this would have been SO much cooler if he still had the afro???)
• Atmosphere by Joy Division.
• Get Down, Make Love.
• Head Like a Hole opening the show.
• Mike Garson (as in Mike 'I don't know you but you're cool cause you've worked with Bowie' Garson) playing piano.
• Mike Garson playing piano on Just Like You Imagined. WAIT, WHAT??? Just Like You Imagined, motherfuckers.

I don't even wanna think of the awesomeness that will happen tomorrow on Thursday. The last ever NIN show. Oooohhhh!

Right now I'm fucking depressed and tired and can't find a proper setlist for tonight's show, which is bumming me out. Will update this post tomorrow when I have the official setlist. And the bootleg.

***UPDATE!

Setlist here (from nin.com):

2009-09-08
Los Angeles, CA
Henry Fonda Theater

1. Head like a Hole
2. Terrible Lie
3. Sin
4. March of the Pigs
5. Piggy
6. Echoplex
7. Reptile
8. I'm Afraid of Americans
9. Survivalism
10. Head Down
11. 1,000,000
12. Letting you
13. Burn
14. Gave Up
15. Eraser
16. Just like you Imagined (w/ Mike Garson)
17. The Becoming (w/ Mike Garson)
18. I do not Want This (w/ Mike Garson)
19. Down in the Park (w/ Mike Garson & Gary Numan)
20. Metal (w/ Mike Garson & Gary Numan)
21. Cars (w/ Mike Garson & Gary Numan & Eric Avery of Jane's Addiction)
22. Anthrax (w/ Gary Numan, Eric Avery of Jane's Addiction & the four members of HEALTH )
23. Heresy (w/ Danny Lohner)
24. Get Down, Make Love (w/ Danny Lohner)
25. Mr. Self Destruct (w/ Danny Lohner & Greg Pusciato of Dillinger Escape Plan)
26. Wish (w/ Danny Lohner & Greg Pusciato of Dillinger Escape Plan)
27. The Hand that Feeds
28. Atmosphere
29. Dead Souls
30. The Day the World Went Away
31. Hurt

I can't believe JLYI was played tonight.



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Now playing: Tortoise - Almost Always Is Nearly Enough
via FoxyTunes

Repetitive Monotonous

I'm being haunted by yet another Nine Inch Nails song. I thought my obsessive NIN fangirl days were over, but old habits die hard, and this habit is like a fucking cockroach and it seems will survive the end of the fucking world. Personally, I wanted my next obsession to be either Happiness in Slavery (from Broken) or Sunspots (from a-With-a_Teeth-a) because heaven knows I would marry any of those songs (I would propose, even) any day. Nah, it's not either of those. Instead, it is this precious gem I can't stop humming:

Watching all the insects march along
Seem to know just right where they belong
Smears of face reflecting in the chrome
Hiding in the crowd I'm all alone
No one's heard a single word I've said
They don't sound as good outside my head
It looks as though the past is here to stay
I've become a million miles a...
Why do you get all the love in the world?
All the jagged edges disappear
Colors all look brighter when you're near
The stars are all afire in the sky
Sometimes I get so lonely I could...
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love?

I swear to God, this song fucking follows me EVERYWHERE I go! Weird, considering I spent a good amount of time hating it, skipping it on iTunes and even denying its existence. Now, I will never understand why I hated it so, it's not such a bad song. I mean, it's not Deep or Kinda I Want To. Maybe it creeped me out cause after one hell of a fucking long wait for a NIN album, the first song I get is some sort of awkward Radiohead-meets-Fleetwood Mac sonic hybrid, and well... it was weird. All the Love in the World isn't horrible, not in the very least. I was just expecting something less... gospel-choir-y.

Well anyway, I'm scared. I've listened to ATLITW a grand total of 17 times just today. I'm not sure, but taking a wild guess, I'd say I listened to it about 45 times yesterday, and, I don't know, about 54765476800000000000 times during this past weekend. Talk about getting stuck in the sound.

I need a new obsession. I'm on a diet, working in the afternoon, which I never did before (usually had the ass-crack-of-dawn-shift) and quitting alcohol for good (or at least till NY... or maybe the trip I'm planning with Dani in October) so my entire system is screwed up. I mean, All the Love in the World??? What's next, Ringfinger??? (actually, I'm also slightly obsessed with Twist, the Purest Feeling version of Ringfinger. Oh, fuck!)

(I don't even know why I'm blogging about this, I'm in Computer Science class and this is boring me the FUCK out!)

PS, I think the bass on All the Love in the World is slightly reminiscent of that on Massive Attack's Angel. I don't know where I get these fucked up ideas.

Notorious(ly weird) Moment No. 3654456-7-8-9-...

Gross, rich-as-fuck, famous old dude followed me today at the mall. I was scared to death, so I ran and took the first cab I could find away from said old turd and his two minions. Told my friends about it and they all agreed that I should've let him follow me. Dude has a taste for young women and likes to pay a high price for his latest squeeze. I'm scared. I feel like the dude's watching me through my window and can't fucking sleep... so I'm blogging all about it.

Today Sara had her going away party and I had a frozen daiquiri that tasted like a fucking bloody mary. I also ate a fuck load but that didn't keep me from getting drunk on vodka and tequila shots. I'm fucking ashamed of myself, it's fucking Wednesday (ok, Thursday), for fuck's sake.

I literally just found out I'm gonna be a bridesmaid at my best friend's wedding. I don't have a fucking dress to wear, and I'm too fat to look good in it anyway.

***CONTENT CENSORED DUE TO SERIOUS LURKING (fuck trolls).

I miss NY. Can't wait to go back. With my luck, my next trip will be a total disaster, but at least I have something to look forward to that isn't a fucking NIN show until October. If I end up disappointed and broken-hearted, it's cause people are just fucking useless and idiotic and don't know an actual woman's worth.

Wanted to get sushi today for Lis and myself but dude at the sushi joint told me they didn't have any crab or shrimp to make sushi with. Total buzzkill. I mean, what kind of sushi joint runs out of crab and/or shrimp at 4 PM??? Fuckers.

Lost all my shit (literally) at school. Gotta run to the lost-and-found first thing tomorrow morning to see if they got my notebook and pencil case. Pencil case had my only good black kohl pencil and my stash of gum for the month, and notebook had all my crap written on it, including my pot-induced, track-by-track analysis of The Fragile and some tracks of Pretty Hate Machine (Ringfinger lol). I should totally publish my thoughts on Where Is Everybody? if I ever FIND MY FUCKING NOTEBOOK!!!

I'm having serious thoughts about something about someone that I can't tell for fear of getting outcast and shunned by an entire community. I know I'm right though. I'm not telling shit yet, I'll just let time have the last word on it.

GARY FUCKING NUMAN PERFORMED WITH NIN IN LA WHILE I WAS GETTING DRUNK TONIGHT! I mean, what the fuck is up with the world? First Peter fucking Murphy showed up hanging upside down vampire-style from the ceiling at Terminal 5 in NY (and screwed up Reptile) and now Gary Numan performed Cars (ew) and Metal??? What the fuck's next, Bowie doing I'm Afraid of Americans???

Don't fucking talk to me, I'm fucking irate right now.

And that's all.

***UPDATE!

FUCKKKKK! Mother's birthday is tomorrow. I guess I have to call her. Dang, can't believe I almost forgot. I can't believe I remembered just this moment. Wow...

(and why the fuck does this random folder keep opening? I'm sure as hell I'm not opening it myself. Fucking viruses).

kkk, that's all.

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Now playing: The Fall - Industrial Estate
via FoxyTunes

I lost my scarf

Right fucking there.


I need my scarf back.
I'm fucking serious.
Whoever the fuck stole it from my bag at the airport last Friday at 11:00 AM, I need it back.
Or else, the curse of my Egyptian twin will fall upon you, you evil dickhead.

So GIVE ME MY FUCKING SCARF, ASSHOLE!

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Now playing: Memory Cassette - Milkey Wave Goodbye
via FoxyTunes