Electronica Is Not Even a Genre

Electronic playlist for today, Sunday, September 26th, 2010:


The KLF - Last Train to Trancentral
Chu Ishikawa - Megatron
Ladytron - True Mathematics
The Knife - You Make Me Like Charity
Telephoned - Rockin that Thang
Brazilian Girls - Don't Stop
ADULT. - Glue Your Eyelids Together
Röyksopp - Röyksopp Forever
Aphex Twin - Vordhosbn
Cobra Killer - Mund auf - Augen zu (Stecker raus, ich dreh' durch)
Terranova - Plastic Stress
Tracey Thorn - A-Z
Crystal Castles - Fainting Spells
Gonjasufi - Ancestors
Heartsrevolution - Dance Till Dawn
Hey Champ - Cold Dust Girl
M.I.A. - Jimmy
Telefon Tel Aviv - My Week Beats Your Year
Tobacco - Sweatmother

Listen and love. You are welcome.



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Now playing: Everything But The Girl - Missing
via FoxyTunes

Too Much Hatorade

Okay, so here’s the deal. I am SICK of people asking me why I don’t like such and such band and having to justify myself every time. EVERY FUCKING TIME. Because I like rock music, people tend to associate rock with certain bands that I have never got/enjoyed/bothered to check out. So, instead of having to explain, I will refer all those wondering idiots to this post right here.

Bands I dislike that everyone else likes:

The Beatles

I don’t know, maybe I don’t like them because they’re everybody’s favorite? I don’t know. I get why some people cream their pants to the mere mention of their name – to some extent – but I don’t share their sentiments. They have an extensive catalog, most of which I am not familiar with (shame on me, I have an uneducated opinion on the Beatles, boo-hoo), but as such, this catalog has spawned a crapload of singles and popular songs that have become part of our every day lives in this depraved society. Therefore, my learning of their entire catalog (which would possibly take me a good 30 years of my life) seems to be completely unnecessary. For most of the Beatles’ songs I’ve heard have not impressed me. That is why.

Muse

Or MUSE, as per their logo. You know what? I gotta admit, I jumped on the Muse bandwagon back in ‘07 when I had personality issues and also had a brief dark episode when I saw myself attracted to AFI’s first three albums. So this time I am familiar with their music. If you get past the pompousness and pretentious attitude, you’ll find that Muse has brought very little as far as originality to the big sphere of things. They’re sort of a less depressing Radiohead. I think that’s their ultimate goal: becoming the next Radiohead. That kind of thing is a no-no in my book. NEXT!

Nirvana

Ok, here we go. The nineties are my least favorite music era. This band is about fifty percent of the reason. Not only because their music has been present in our lives to this date, seeping into tiny little aspects of one’s existence until it becomes evil manipulative brainwash, but also because thanks to Kurt Cobain, being dirty and not washing your hair became cool. I am the kind of person who likes to shower and wear clean clothes. I also like to speak things that make sense and I choose not to hang out with ugly coked-up skanks, so I see why Cobain and I have different views as to what good music is. Here’s the deal, Cobain was neither a skilled musician, nor a poet. His lyrics never made any sense, to his own admission. People just think waay too much. I guess there’s probably some good things about Nirvana, but I will never find out what they are, cause I hate them. And I guess I hate them because…

Pearl Jam

Holy shit! I can’t even potentially try to be professional and polite about these dudes. I don’t get it. See, the way I see Pearl Jam, they’re one of those high school garage bands that gets together to play instead of doing homework. That’s cool, but only as a pastime until it’s time for college. These dudes’ time for college was back in 1994. That god awful song Black makes my blood boil, seriously.

Ya know what, I’m gonna make a statement right here: Grunge in general makes me go apeshit. I do not like grunge. End of story.

Roxy Music

Poppier than T-Rex, less flamboyant than Bowie, they kind of fell short against the tough competition in the 70’s glam rock arena. They’re kind of huge yawn machine to me.

Vampire Weekend

Music made by preppy frat boys for preppy hipster assholes. I am not either of those things so I find this shit dull, unoriginal and… brown (I have synesthesia, lol). Vampire Weekend is as interesting to me as reading the ingredients on a cereal box. NOT interesting.

Björk

I think her personality might be more interesting than her music. I know she brought some “new” things to the table, and at the time she was a little original, but it’s been a while now, and a little thing called trip hop came around about at the same time as she did, which is a billion times cooler than anything she’s ever done. I like her outfits though. I wouldn’t wear them, but I’d certainly talk about them with my friends behind her back.

The Doors

My boyfriend’s words: Overhyped, protohipster bullshit (ok, the bullshit part was all mine). Something about that keyboard makes me want to scream and then jump off a balcony and then kill myself. And then come back from the dead and kill whoever played The Doors near me. That is it. Hate for hate’s sake.

Linkin Park

Oh god, do I really need to explain? Jesus H, these emo bastards have made a career out of selling angst to angsty Hot Topic goths looking for “meaning” in their lives. I’ve had enough of that shit already, no one buys your suffering when you live in Beverly Hills, have a trophy wife and drive a Lamborghini. (like we say in Spanish, al que le caiga el guante, que se lo chante!)

Another thing: I HATE HATE HATE NUMETAL! HATE!!!

Guns n’ Roses

Axl is an asshole. Even if they had the potential to be cool, he had to ruin it by changing the band’s lineup like it was his underwear. In fact, I think he changed the lineup more than he changed his underwear. Besides, one gets pretty sick of hearing Sweet Child O’Mine everywhere. Get over it, dude.

The Killers

They were never indie, NEVER. Whoever says they listen to indie and then lists this band as one of their favorites, they need to go here ASAP. Just like The Bravery and the Scissor Sisters, this is one of many electro pop bands trying to feed on the indie hype of bands like Interpol and The Strokes, which are not electro at all.

The Postal Service, Death Cab for Cutie, Arctic Monkeys, Franz Ferdinand, The Subways, Bloc Party [insert former-indie-now-mainstream-band name]

Some of these bands might have started off on a good note, and then too much money, fame and Pitchfork kissassery got to their heads and they began to suck. Some of these bands were famous because they ripped off great bands like Gang of Four and The Fall, who are cool and, by association, made them cool. Some of these bands are just really gay and emo. I don’t know, I’m really picky, what can I say?

Queen

Yes, I said it. No, I don’t like Queen. They were just good at being a rock band. They had the whole image thing down. As far as music, there were other bands pushing the limits and coming up with interesting stuff at the same time as these dudes were writing songs like Radio GaGa, and no one cared to give them the attention they deserved. Freddie Mercury was really emo, btw.

There’s a lot more, but I think this pretty much sums it up. This post and my Last.fm account should give you a pretty good idea of what I like and what I don’t. Don’t ask. Thank you.

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Now playing: LCD Soundsystem - All I Want
via FoxyTunes

My Boss Is Cooler than Your Boss

Last time he went on a trip, he brought me vitamin E and folic acid. This time he brought me this:



(excuse the "I'm gonna kill you" face, please)

It DROWNS me, I know, but it's the intention what counts. Boys never know how to pick clothes for girls anyway.

I am now the proud owner of my first NIN t-shirt.

Thank you, Jimmy.



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Now playing: Palmbomen - Moon Children
via FoxyTunes

Indie Is Weird

Sometimes I get it, but sometimes it makes me want to go on a killing spree and annihilate everyone and anything in plaid. I have hipster friends, and they're cool, but dear God, how I wish they weren't so... hip.

Zooey Deschanel is NO goddess, JSYK. I prefer the likes of Johnette Napolitano or Siouxsie. Cause I'm an old-school, stuck in the 80's black-wearing goth bitch.

Fuck you.

How's your hipster radar? Can you spot one from miles away? Just follow the smell.

And let's play.





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Now playing: Concrete Blonde - Heal It Up
via FoxyTunes

Stuff I Discovered

Wow. Really? I never, swear to god, NEVER thought I was a complainer. Nope.




And here I was, thinking I didn't use my brain at all.

Go HERE to analyze your blog.



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Now playing: Grinderman - Bellringer Blues
via FoxyTunes

Google Analytics Rocks My Socks Off

For the two or three readers of my blog who know me in real, troll-free life, it is no secret that I do SEO for a living. I'm not proud of it, but it's a job that pays the bills and provides an endless supply of laughs and retarded moments to make it worth my while. Sometimes.

For those who don't know what SEO is, let me explain. SEO stands for Search Engine Optimization. The main goal of SEO is getting clients' websites ranking high on Google, preferably in the first three spots of page 1. This entails rather meticulous and somewhat screwy keyword analysis, link building, content posting on various outlets, and an overall knowledge of internet resources and tricks. Basically, what SEO does is trick Google into thinking that one's page is relevant for whatever we want it to be. Some fans consider it an art. I don't quite go to that extent, but I have become somewhat fond of it.

One of my co-workers is probably currently running for biggest SEO geek in the history of the world (facing strong opposition from similar geeky types with awkward aspirations of coolness), and he believes he can sell anyone anything through the power of SEO. I honestly think it is an excellent marketing resource that, done well and with some effort put into it, can bring out great results. I intend to use SEO as a means to support myself while in Norway, but I promise I will only do it in an ethical, non-exploitative manner. Cause I have morals and principles and I am a good person who will go to heaven.

But, the more I inhabit this universe, the more I realize that people are and will inevitably continue to be stupid until the Mayan-predicted apocalypse wipes us off the face of the Earth in 2012, or a meteorite/Sun/Moon/Chewbacca obliterates our wonderful little planet. People will pay hundreds of dollars for shit. I could literally grab a turd, wrap it in a nice package, put a nice, colorful ribbon on top of it and sell it for $50, if I know how to sell it. I could just make up some bullshit about it being a magical turd shat by Jesus himself that will bestow good luck, incredible sexual powers and tons of money upon its fortunate bearer, and people will gladly pay for it and carry it around in their pocket. We are inherently drawn to pretty things, and we have been raised in a compulsively shop-aholic society. We buy, cause that's how we support society and our country's economy. If we lived in Cuba or North Korea, we would be completely different human beings, and we wouldn't have the need to come up with bullshit like SEO to sell our turds. Then again, if we lived in Cuba or North Korea, we wouldn't even have internet to begin with. In fact, if we lived in Cuba or North Korea, this blog wouldn't even exist, which arguably would be better for everyone in the long run... but I digress.

So I ask myself, if everyone is capable of buying anything, and even I have been subjected to the evil powers of marketing and advertising, and have bought my FAIR, SUPER FAIR share of crap, and have already dished out a good load of money that I don't have for those assholes selling it, why can't I just sell crap and make a good living out of it? Cause I'm a good person who will go to heaven? Well, let's start by saying I don't believe in heaven. So there you go. I don't believe in hell either, so I fear no repercussions. Second, I will not be forcing people to give me their money. I will carefully suggest that they buy from me, pointing out the positive aspects of the product they will be acquiring. No one said anything about it being a treacherous transaction. Third, I will NOT sell turds. If I ever decide on something to sell, it will appeal to people's innermost passions, those things that touch people deep down. I will make people happy. There's always time to spread the love.

My boyfriend and I have casually come up with products we could potentially sell. I will not reveal any of them because our ideas are too cool and groundbreaking to be released ever-so-slightly, but we have them and people will know about them soon, if we do our SEO well. Who knows, maybe we will "fight the keyword battle and win the SEO war" (inside joke -- this is what SEO freaks say, FOR REAL).

If you have any questions about the wonderful art of SEO, please contact chewbaccasexy@gmail.com, feel free to send any business ideas that could benefit from the great powers of SEO, and enclose as much money as you would like. You will receive a free sample turd as a thank you for your help.


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Now playing: Black Mountain - Wucan
via FoxyTunes

Just Learned How to Do This

Now you can like my posts on Facebook. Or not. Just trying this out.



Three People

• I know a person who hates everything I love and loves everything I hate. This person tries to justify bad taste with bitchy, opinionated pieces of verbal attack toward those who disagree. This person thinks having feelings and problems is gay.

Verdict: This person sucks and should therefore be thrown into the sun.

I will cut you off, bitch. Shut the fuck up. For the record, I LOVE Arcade Fire.

• I know a person who is a lazy, shameless little twat who really needs to learn a thing or two about office manners and hygiene. This person believes that burgers and meddling are the way to make friends.

Verdict: This person needs to stop watching soap operas and using up bandwidth when everyone is busy. Also, this person needs to have the crap police raid their cubicle.

Dear lord, if you want to make friends, just be yourself. Right, I forgot yourself is annoying.

• I know a person who polarizes me. I can't explain it. Wrong topic.

Verdict: Good thing they're gone.

Fuck.

I really hate people and I really love people. Sometimes I think a person will be the death of me, not cancer.



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Now playing: Nine Inch Nails - Sanctified
via FoxyTunes