Too Much Hatorade

Okay, so here’s the deal. I am SICK of people asking me why I don’t like such and such band and having to justify myself every time. EVERY FUCKING TIME. Because I like rock music, people tend to associate rock with certain bands that I have never got/enjoyed/bothered to check out. So, instead of having to explain, I will refer all those wondering idiots to this post right here.

Bands I dislike that everyone else likes:

The Beatles

I don’t know, maybe I don’t like them because they’re everybody’s favorite? I don’t know. I get why some people cream their pants to the mere mention of their name – to some extent – but I don’t share their sentiments. They have an extensive catalog, most of which I am not familiar with (shame on me, I have an uneducated opinion on the Beatles, boo-hoo), but as such, this catalog has spawned a crapload of singles and popular songs that have become part of our every day lives in this depraved society. Therefore, my learning of their entire catalog (which would possibly take me a good 30 years of my life) seems to be completely unnecessary. For most of the Beatles’ songs I’ve heard have not impressed me. That is why.

Muse

Or MUSE, as per their logo. You know what? I gotta admit, I jumped on the Muse bandwagon back in ‘07 when I had personality issues and also had a brief dark episode when I saw myself attracted to AFI’s first three albums. So this time I am familiar with their music. If you get past the pompousness and pretentious attitude, you’ll find that Muse has brought very little as far as originality to the big sphere of things. They’re sort of a less depressing Radiohead. I think that’s their ultimate goal: becoming the next Radiohead. That kind of thing is a no-no in my book. NEXT!

Nirvana

Ok, here we go. The nineties are my least favorite music era. This band is about fifty percent of the reason. Not only because their music has been present in our lives to this date, seeping into tiny little aspects of one’s existence until it becomes evil manipulative brainwash, but also because thanks to Kurt Cobain, being dirty and not washing your hair became cool. I am the kind of person who likes to shower and wear clean clothes. I also like to speak things that make sense and I choose not to hang out with ugly coked-up skanks, so I see why Cobain and I have different views as to what good music is. Here’s the deal, Cobain was neither a skilled musician, nor a poet. His lyrics never made any sense, to his own admission. People just think waay too much. I guess there’s probably some good things about Nirvana, but I will never find out what they are, cause I hate them. And I guess I hate them because…

Pearl Jam

Holy shit! I can’t even potentially try to be professional and polite about these dudes. I don’t get it. See, the way I see Pearl Jam, they’re one of those high school garage bands that gets together to play instead of doing homework. That’s cool, but only as a pastime until it’s time for college. These dudes’ time for college was back in 1994. That god awful song Black makes my blood boil, seriously.

Ya know what, I’m gonna make a statement right here: Grunge in general makes me go apeshit. I do not like grunge. End of story.

Roxy Music

Poppier than T-Rex, less flamboyant than Bowie, they kind of fell short against the tough competition in the 70’s glam rock arena. They’re kind of huge yawn machine to me.

Vampire Weekend

Music made by preppy frat boys for preppy hipster assholes. I am not either of those things so I find this shit dull, unoriginal and… brown (I have synesthesia, lol). Vampire Weekend is as interesting to me as reading the ingredients on a cereal box. NOT interesting.

Björk

I think her personality might be more interesting than her music. I know she brought some “new” things to the table, and at the time she was a little original, but it’s been a while now, and a little thing called trip hop came around about at the same time as she did, which is a billion times cooler than anything she’s ever done. I like her outfits though. I wouldn’t wear them, but I’d certainly talk about them with my friends behind her back.

The Doors

My boyfriend’s words: Overhyped, protohipster bullshit (ok, the bullshit part was all mine). Something about that keyboard makes me want to scream and then jump off a balcony and then kill myself. And then come back from the dead and kill whoever played The Doors near me. That is it. Hate for hate’s sake.

Linkin Park

Oh god, do I really need to explain? Jesus H, these emo bastards have made a career out of selling angst to angsty Hot Topic goths looking for “meaning” in their lives. I’ve had enough of that shit already, no one buys your suffering when you live in Beverly Hills, have a trophy wife and drive a Lamborghini. (like we say in Spanish, al que le caiga el guante, que se lo chante!)

Another thing: I HATE HATE HATE NUMETAL! HATE!!!

Guns n’ Roses

Axl is an asshole. Even if they had the potential to be cool, he had to ruin it by changing the band’s lineup like it was his underwear. In fact, I think he changed the lineup more than he changed his underwear. Besides, one gets pretty sick of hearing Sweet Child O’Mine everywhere. Get over it, dude.

The Killers

They were never indie, NEVER. Whoever says they listen to indie and then lists this band as one of their favorites, they need to go here ASAP. Just like The Bravery and the Scissor Sisters, this is one of many electro pop bands trying to feed on the indie hype of bands like Interpol and The Strokes, which are not electro at all.

The Postal Service, Death Cab for Cutie, Arctic Monkeys, Franz Ferdinand, The Subways, Bloc Party [insert former-indie-now-mainstream-band name]

Some of these bands might have started off on a good note, and then too much money, fame and Pitchfork kissassery got to their heads and they began to suck. Some of these bands were famous because they ripped off great bands like Gang of Four and The Fall, who are cool and, by association, made them cool. Some of these bands are just really gay and emo. I don’t know, I’m really picky, what can I say?

Queen

Yes, I said it. No, I don’t like Queen. They were just good at being a rock band. They had the whole image thing down. As far as music, there were other bands pushing the limits and coming up with interesting stuff at the same time as these dudes were writing songs like Radio GaGa, and no one cared to give them the attention they deserved. Freddie Mercury was really emo, btw.

There’s a lot more, but I think this pretty much sums it up. This post and my Last.fm account should give you a pretty good idea of what I like and what I don’t. Don’t ask. Thank you.

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Now playing: LCD Soundsystem - All I Want
via FoxyTunes