... He's doing WHATTT?!?

After a couple days of bed rest and Chinese chicken soup, I am finally back to normal. My bowels are slowly going back to their regular routines and my stomach is slowly digesting food at a more normal pace like it used to before I was a huge pig and gobbled copious amounts of sushi which most likely got me in this huge trouble. Feels good to be able to eat chocolate again. Maybe I shouldn't yet, but I'm doing it anyway cause I know what it's like to feel like you're gonna die, and if anything, I wish I'd had chocolate then to make it better, so what the hell. And now that I'm feeling okay again, and have a few hours to kill, I'm gonna take some time to touch upon a subject which I had unfortunately failed to mention. Pardon me, but the shock and the tears were too overwhelming to ignore. I have been sulking and moaning and bitching about this all week, and now it's your turn to hear my juvenile thoughts on...

TRENT REZNOR'S CURTAIN CALL, PT. TWO!!!

Just when we thought he'd got over his emo, drama-queen phase and had forgotten to throw another bitch fit like he did back in December, '08, he comes back with this. According to Ressner's latest post on nin.com, there won't be any more Nine Inch Nails ever. This is the definitive end of the band, it's over, dead forever, kaput. You don't believe me? Fine! Just take a look at this excerpt from His Holiness, Count Tentpole Reznorgasm's note:

In NIN world, 2009 marks the 20th anniversary of our first releases. I've been thinking for some time now it's time to make NIN disappear for a while. Last year's "Lights in the Sky" tour was something I'm quite proud of and seems like the culmination of what I could pull off in terms of an elaborate production. It was also quite difficult to pull off technically and physically night after night and left us all a bit dazed. After some thought, we decided to book a last run of shows across the globe this year. The approach to these shows is quite different from last year - much more raw, spontaneous and less scripted. Fun for us and a different way for you to see us and wave goodbye. I reached out to Jane's to see if they'd want to join us across the US and we all felt it could be a great thing. Will it work? Will it resonate in the marketplace? Who knows. Are there big record label marketing dollars to convince you to attend? Nope.
Does it feel right to us and does it seem like it will be fun for us and you? Yes it does.
Look for tour dates soon and I hope to see you out there.

Trent

Okay, so I paraphrased a little, but basically the jist of the message is clearly what I just said. Trent is sick of all those fangirls throwing big fucking titty bras at him and wanting to bite his thighs that he just wants to quit making music, the biggest passion of his life, forever. I know, it's the end of the world. Trent won't be playing shows anymore, he won't be making his emo-EBM noise anymore, and fans won't have any more halos to pay lots of money for. Oh noooo!!!

...

On second thought, well... he didn't really say he would disappear completely. Like... he just said he would make NIN "disappear for a while." A while that might last a little bit longer than two months, but let's face it, the man must want some time for himself. He has hobbies, like everyone else, that he can't do cause he's too busy humping mic stands and screaming "MOTHERFUCKING PIGS!!!" every night for all ya'll ungrateful fans. Come on, he must want some time off to learn how to knit, or meet with his book club, or... you know, bench press. Besides, he's not the scrawny twenty-something that got onstage every night for nearly two years straight during the Self Destruct tour and its different incarnations. Even though he looks damn fine for a forty-three year old... well, his hip probably isn't what it used to be. So, why don't we just rejoice in the fact that there's still one last chance to see NIN in all its glory before Trent goes back into his coffin indefinitely, and do the impossible to catch one of these last shows. Sure, there's no Josh Freese, or Alessandro Cortini, and Freese is being replaced by a guy my age, and Ally's post is empty, but the shows can't be that bad. There was no Closer at the first Australian show, I was informed. And now that we know the last NIN tour will feature Trent and his cohorts, alongside long-time BFFs, Lollapalooza masters, Jane's Addiction, I know these shows won't be anything short of magical.

However... There are still some questions that I can't help asking myself regarding these forthcoming events in the life of Nine Inch Nails:

• What's gonna happen with Rob once the tour is over?
• What's gonna happen with Robin once the tour is over (or if he gets fired before the end of the tour)?
• Is Trent scared of touring with Jane's Addiction knowing Dave Navarro has "the hots for him"?
• What's gonna happen with Atticus?
• Will there be any more Ghosts before Trent goes on vaca?
• Seriously, isn't Trent scared of Dave Navarro? Like, for real?
• Will I get enough money to catch these guys on tour in April?
• Why does Trent have a Twitter?
• Why hasn't Trent blocked that stalker chick on Twitter?
• IS MICHAEL REZNOR EVER GONNA MAKE UP FOR CANCELLING MY SHOW LAST YEAR???

Trent, if you're reading this, I don't care if you go on a break. I don't care if you decide to retire for once and for all, because, ultimately, you have made me happy beyond words with your music, and I knowing that I'll never find the right way to thank you for it is a depressing thought indeed, so the only thing I can do is wish you all the best and hope you get all that you want, because you deserve it. You gave your best every night last year, you gave your fans two incredible records last year --one of them completely free of charge-- so no one can say you're a greedy, ungrateful artist, and all your fans know that you are far from it. I just hope you give me the chance to see you live before you "disappear for a while" so I can at least wave you goodbye like you asked us to do on your letter. Good luck and thank you and I love you and I will wait patiently for the next episode of the Reznor saga. I know this isn't the definitive end.


*wipes tears* Shit, now I gotta think of ways to make money to go see Trent. Hmmm... what can I sell?


Listening to: Trans Am - Divine Invasion
Eating: Bran crackers
Drinking: Gatorade (I hate hate hate being sick!)