Nothing's working anymore. Things were getting better, I was getting better. I don't know what happened.
Wait, I know what happened. But I won't say it.
For a while I experimented with happiness. It wasn't really happiness, so much as simply a state of mind where the chaos and loneliness were in the back burner and I was just okay. I liked it, but I knew it wouldn't last. That little beam of light creeping out through the cracks was enough to make me smile, but I've exhausted it and it doesn't work anymore.
Now I feel sorry for the people who thought I was okay. It wasn't my intention and it wasn't a lie. It's just that now... well, now I'm back and I hate myself more than ever cause, most likely, I'll end up hurting every single one of them.
I'm not sure what's causing this massive outpouring of emotion, but it probably has to do with the fact that I've spent two days doing nothing but sleep, cry and cope with a nasty headache, and I just needed to do something desperately before my body starts to slowly decompose.
I'm sorry.
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