Wave, wave, wave, wave goodbye...

And so, the day has arrived. Thursday, September 10th, 2009. The unstoppable force of nature that is Nine Inch Nails as a live entity has officially ceased to exist as of today.

I am filled with mixed feelings right now, unable to display emotion, but keeping it all tightly inside my chest. On one hand, I'm cynical, believing this is a big fat lie and NIN will go back to the world of touring after an extended and well deserved break. I'm also hopeful, because if this is correct, that means eventually, I will get another chance to witness the sheer brilliance of my favorite band's show; as I never got my 'Downward Spiral album on its entirety' experience, or my 'special guests' experience, or any awe-inspiring NIN moment worth recalling, and even though I was able to watch all of these remarkable events from afar at least, I was green with envy to know so many people were there and I was not. I was, at some point, very apathetic towards this tour, and this band, and its mastermind -- a series of poor decisions and anger issues on his part sort of blew my bubble, so to speak, and made me lose interest in everything regarding him and his band. Yes, I have been feeling all sorts of things today. I woke up excited to see what surprises awaited us tonight. Logged on to Twitter to find all my Tweeple (people I'm Twitter friends with lol), who are mostly NIN fans too, walking down memory lane, remembering their favorite NIN moments, saying goodbye to a big part of their lives -- a collective farewell to the one thing that brought an entire community together. I felt nostalgic, like I had this huge hole in my stomach that wouldn't fucking close. I forgot about NIN for a while as I focused on my real life for a change. Then I came back home and the landslide of love and devotion towards the band was in full swing. I joined the cause, tweeted my ass off, and helped do this, which made me feel happy and giddy and proud:


All those tweets with the #NIN hashtag from NIN fans everywhere made the last #NIN show into a number one trending topic on Twitter. Fuck yes.


Now, as the last show is happening in Los Angeles, miles, time zones, millions of people away from me, I can't help feeling this overwhelming wave of anger and sadness wash over me. Why the fuck would you quit now? Why the fuck would you do this to so many people? Oh, fuck! I am sad, because an era is officially ending tonight, and as someone who has been a part of it for well over 8 years, I don't want to see it go away. It would be like saying goodbye to my adolescence, all those years of singing Hurt with such fervor tears fell down involuntarily, all those nights screaming to Head Like a Hole emulating Reznor's emotion. All the 'fist fuck's, all the 'fuck you like an animal's, all the 'starfuckers'. If there's anything I can say Reznor has taught me well throughout all these years, is to feel, intensely and passionately. And to curse. Intensely and passionately as well. In LA, the show keeps going and feeling is coming back to me. Eyes shut tight, keeping tiny tears inside. *must.not.cry, for fuck's sake*

I am gonna break the Trent embargo that I claimed here only to say this:

Reznor, I know you're an asshole and regardless of how I feel about you in general right now, I cannot NOT thank you. Everything I am right now has been influenced one way or another by you and your fucked up shit. Who would have thought that your angst-ridden electro-noise would bring me so much joy and life. So now you're waving us goodbye and going away to do God-knows-what, and God knows I wholeheartedly disagree with whatever it is that you're about to do, but at least I had a chance to wave you goodbye like you asked us on that one post on nin.com. So thank you. I'm always awkward with thank you's, but since you're not reading this, I don't give a shit. I just had to get it out somehow, and now I did. I know this is not the end of NIN. You've said it a million times already, you're gonna keep working on music, blah blah blah. I also know there'll be a comeback, and I will be there, because I can't help it, I'm obsessed with your music. In fact, I now realize that I've only felt love for one thing in my life, and that is your evil, inappropriate-for-minors, industrial-lite music. Yeah, I have that many issues.

And with this, the Trent embargo becomes effective again.

My bootleg of the Henry Fonda show is almost over, and the most beautiful rendition of Hurt is playing. Tears are finally spilling and I am waving, waving, waving, waving goodbye to what was and will always be Nine Inch Nails. I can't believe I'm crying.

Now I move on. I have some serious growing up to do and I expect to start doing it as soon as the final show is over. In the meantime I will sit back and enjoy the show. Dave Navarro is onstage now. Will update this post with the official setlist tomorrow.

And that's all I have to say about that.


Oh wait!

Meathead also quit! Now that is pretty fucking sad. In fact, I think I'm crying right now cause there won't be any more Meathead Perspectives to obsessively look forward to. Fuck Reznor, I need Meathead! *cries*

***UPDATE!!!

Setlist here (from EchoingTheSound.com):

2009-09-10
Los Angeles, CA
Wiltern Theater

1. Home
2. Somewhat Damaged
3. The Collector
4. Discipline
5. March of The Pigs
6. Something I Can Never Have
7. The Frail
8. The Wretched
9. Ruiner
10. Head Down
11. Burn
12. Just Like You Imagined (w Mike Garson)
13. La Mer (w Mike Garson)
14. Eraser (w Mike Garson)
15. The Becoming (Still) (w Mike Garson)
16. Down In The Park (w Gary Numan & Mike Garson intro(?) )
17. Metal (w Gary Numan)
18. I Die: You Die (w Gary Numan)
19. 1,000,000
20. Letting You
21. Survivalism
22. Suck
23. Down In It
24. The Hand That Feeds
25. Head Like A Hole
26. Me, I'm Not (w Atticus Ross)
27. The Warning (w Atticus Ross & Dave Navarro)
28. Piggy (Nothing Can Stop Me Now) (w Dave Navarro)
29. Gave Up (w Dave Navarro)
30. Mr. Self Destruct (w The Dillinger Escape Plan)
31. Wish (w The Dillinger Escape Plan)
32. Atmosphere (cover - Joy Division)
33. Dead Souls (cover - Joy Division)
34. The Good Soldier
35. The Day The World Went Away
36. Hurt
37. In This Twilight

Wow. This bootleg is gonna be one hell of a bitch to download. =/


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Now playing: Nine Inch Nails - Dead Souls
via FoxyTunes

I hurt myself today...

... because there is no God up in the sky.

Otherwise, I would have been at the Henry Fonda theater in Los Angeles tonight watching the second to last-ever NIN show. Instead, I got to watch the action as it unfolded on Twitter, like all the other losers who couldn't make it to the show (I would have been on Access but my computer goes on a coma whenever I try to access Access, lol). How pathetic.

Highlights:

• Gary Numan (meh, boring) doing Down in the Park, Cars and Metal with the band.
• Former NIN bassist and Brad Pitt impersonator Danny Lohner joining the band for Heresy (dude said it already on Twitter a couple days ago, no big surprise there) and much more.
• That Greg Pusciato (sp?) dude from Dillinger Escape Plan doing vocals on (guess which song) Wish. And Mr. Self Destruct.
• Jane's Addiction bassist Eric Avery joining NIN and Numan onstage for a (as-of-yet-unknown...) Gang of Four cover (update: it was Anthrax).
• NIN covering Gang of Four!!! Fuck yes Trent Reznor did listen to my suggestion that one time!!! I know I have no evidence of this but I know in my heart that I did suggest they play Gang of Four on this tour when he asked for cover suggestions on Twitter, way back when.
• HEALTH joining onstage for who the fuck knows what.
  
• Trent actually showing emotion and smiling quite a lot throughout the show.
  
• Justin Meldal-Johnsen STAGEDIVING during The Hand that Feeds!!! (am I the only one who thinks this would have been SO much cooler if he still had the afro???)
• Atmosphere by Joy Division.
• Get Down, Make Love.
• Head Like a Hole opening the show.
• Mike Garson (as in Mike 'I don't know you but you're cool cause you've worked with Bowie' Garson) playing piano.
• Mike Garson playing piano on Just Like You Imagined. WAIT, WHAT??? Just Like You Imagined, motherfuckers.

I don't even wanna think of the awesomeness that will happen tomorrow on Thursday. The last ever NIN show. Oooohhhh!

Right now I'm fucking depressed and tired and can't find a proper setlist for tonight's show, which is bumming me out. Will update this post tomorrow when I have the official setlist. And the bootleg.

***UPDATE!

Setlist here (from nin.com):

2009-09-08
Los Angeles, CA
Henry Fonda Theater

1. Head like a Hole
2. Terrible Lie
3. Sin
4. March of the Pigs
5. Piggy
6. Echoplex
7. Reptile
8. I'm Afraid of Americans
9. Survivalism
10. Head Down
11. 1,000,000
12. Letting you
13. Burn
14. Gave Up
15. Eraser
16. Just like you Imagined (w/ Mike Garson)
17. The Becoming (w/ Mike Garson)
18. I do not Want This (w/ Mike Garson)
19. Down in the Park (w/ Mike Garson & Gary Numan)
20. Metal (w/ Mike Garson & Gary Numan)
21. Cars (w/ Mike Garson & Gary Numan & Eric Avery of Jane's Addiction)
22. Anthrax (w/ Gary Numan, Eric Avery of Jane's Addiction & the four members of HEALTH )
23. Heresy (w/ Danny Lohner)
24. Get Down, Make Love (w/ Danny Lohner)
25. Mr. Self Destruct (w/ Danny Lohner & Greg Pusciato of Dillinger Escape Plan)
26. Wish (w/ Danny Lohner & Greg Pusciato of Dillinger Escape Plan)
27. The Hand that Feeds
28. Atmosphere
29. Dead Souls
30. The Day the World Went Away
31. Hurt

I can't believe JLYI was played tonight.



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Now playing: Tortoise - Almost Always Is Nearly Enough
via FoxyTunes

Repetitive Monotonous

I'm being haunted by yet another Nine Inch Nails song. I thought my obsessive NIN fangirl days were over, but old habits die hard, and this habit is like a fucking cockroach and it seems will survive the end of the fucking world. Personally, I wanted my next obsession to be either Happiness in Slavery (from Broken) or Sunspots (from a-With-a_Teeth-a) because heaven knows I would marry any of those songs (I would propose, even) any day. Nah, it's not either of those. Instead, it is this precious gem I can't stop humming:

Watching all the insects march along
Seem to know just right where they belong
Smears of face reflecting in the chrome
Hiding in the crowd I'm all alone
No one's heard a single word I've said
They don't sound as good outside my head
It looks as though the past is here to stay
I've become a million miles a...
Why do you get all the love in the world?
All the jagged edges disappear
Colors all look brighter when you're near
The stars are all afire in the sky
Sometimes I get so lonely I could...
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love?

I swear to God, this song fucking follows me EVERYWHERE I go! Weird, considering I spent a good amount of time hating it, skipping it on iTunes and even denying its existence. Now, I will never understand why I hated it so, it's not such a bad song. I mean, it's not Deep or Kinda I Want To. Maybe it creeped me out cause after one hell of a fucking long wait for a NIN album, the first song I get is some sort of awkward Radiohead-meets-Fleetwood Mac sonic hybrid, and well... it was weird. All the Love in the World isn't horrible, not in the very least. I was just expecting something less... gospel-choir-y.

Well anyway, I'm scared. I've listened to ATLITW a grand total of 17 times just today. I'm not sure, but taking a wild guess, I'd say I listened to it about 45 times yesterday, and, I don't know, about 54765476800000000000 times during this past weekend. Talk about getting stuck in the sound.

I need a new obsession. I'm on a diet, working in the afternoon, which I never did before (usually had the ass-crack-of-dawn-shift) and quitting alcohol for good (or at least till NY... or maybe the trip I'm planning with Dani in October) so my entire system is screwed up. I mean, All the Love in the World??? What's next, Ringfinger??? (actually, I'm also slightly obsessed with Twist, the Purest Feeling version of Ringfinger. Oh, fuck!)

(I don't even know why I'm blogging about this, I'm in Computer Science class and this is boring me the FUCK out!)

PS, I think the bass on All the Love in the World is slightly reminiscent of that on Massive Attack's Angel. I don't know where I get these fucked up ideas.

Notorious(ly weird) Moment No. 3654456-7-8-9-...

Gross, rich-as-fuck, famous old dude followed me today at the mall. I was scared to death, so I ran and took the first cab I could find away from said old turd and his two minions. Told my friends about it and they all agreed that I should've let him follow me. Dude has a taste for young women and likes to pay a high price for his latest squeeze. I'm scared. I feel like the dude's watching me through my window and can't fucking sleep... so I'm blogging all about it.

Today Sara had her going away party and I had a frozen daiquiri that tasted like a fucking bloody mary. I also ate a fuck load but that didn't keep me from getting drunk on vodka and tequila shots. I'm fucking ashamed of myself, it's fucking Wednesday (ok, Thursday), for fuck's sake.

I literally just found out I'm gonna be a bridesmaid at my best friend's wedding. I don't have a fucking dress to wear, and I'm too fat to look good in it anyway.

***CONTENT CENSORED DUE TO SERIOUS LURKING (fuck trolls).

I miss NY. Can't wait to go back. With my luck, my next trip will be a total disaster, but at least I have something to look forward to that isn't a fucking NIN show until October. If I end up disappointed and broken-hearted, it's cause people are just fucking useless and idiotic and don't know an actual woman's worth.

Wanted to get sushi today for Lis and myself but dude at the sushi joint told me they didn't have any crab or shrimp to make sushi with. Total buzzkill. I mean, what kind of sushi joint runs out of crab and/or shrimp at 4 PM??? Fuckers.

Lost all my shit (literally) at school. Gotta run to the lost-and-found first thing tomorrow morning to see if they got my notebook and pencil case. Pencil case had my only good black kohl pencil and my stash of gum for the month, and notebook had all my crap written on it, including my pot-induced, track-by-track analysis of The Fragile and some tracks of Pretty Hate Machine (Ringfinger lol). I should totally publish my thoughts on Where Is Everybody? if I ever FIND MY FUCKING NOTEBOOK!!!

I'm having serious thoughts about something about someone that I can't tell for fear of getting outcast and shunned by an entire community. I know I'm right though. I'm not telling shit yet, I'll just let time have the last word on it.

GARY FUCKING NUMAN PERFORMED WITH NIN IN LA WHILE I WAS GETTING DRUNK TONIGHT! I mean, what the fuck is up with the world? First Peter fucking Murphy showed up hanging upside down vampire-style from the ceiling at Terminal 5 in NY (and screwed up Reptile) and now Gary Numan performed Cars (ew) and Metal??? What the fuck's next, Bowie doing I'm Afraid of Americans???

Don't fucking talk to me, I'm fucking irate right now.

And that's all.

***UPDATE!

FUCKKKKK! Mother's birthday is tomorrow. I guess I have to call her. Dang, can't believe I almost forgot. I can't believe I remembered just this moment. Wow...

(and why the fuck does this random folder keep opening? I'm sure as hell I'm not opening it myself. Fucking viruses).

kkk, that's all.

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Now playing: The Fall - Industrial Estate
via FoxyTunes

I lost my scarf

Right fucking there.


I need my scarf back.
I'm fucking serious.
Whoever the fuck stole it from my bag at the airport last Friday at 11:00 AM, I need it back.
Or else, the curse of my Egyptian twin will fall upon you, you evil dickhead.

So GIVE ME MY FUCKING SCARF, ASSHOLE!

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Now playing: Memory Cassette - Milkey Wave Goodbye
via FoxyTunes

Blurry set of pictures from my stint in Sodom and Gomorrah

Camera broke so all I have here are some fucking blurry cell phone pics.


Putting $100 worth of alcohol in a tiny suitcase.


Oh dear Jagermeister, you screwed us bad!


Grecia and the dudes.


The accident that brought us back to the room. It's actually worse than it looks. (Not my foot, btw)

I NEED MORE PICTURES, DAMMIT, I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS! SOMEONE FIX THE FUCKING CAMERA AND GET ME THE FUCKING COOL PICTURES I TOOK! FUCKKKK!

***UPDATE!!!

Some pictures from the broken fail camera have surfaced. Behold:


On the bus, singing to Beatles songs and writing a story about giant strawberries and evil watermelons. An illustrated story.




Dani making the bed that she didn't even sleep on.


The view from THE balcony.


Vicky, 4-minute Tobias and myself, waiting for the 3-hour food.




Before heading out to the beach.


... On the way back.




Ok, we need to go back, you guys.

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Now playing: Icy Demons - Spywatchers
via FoxyTunes

Bands Who...

... Should GET OFF THEIR ASSES AND PUT OUT SOME NEW MUSIC ASAP!

Interpol: Nope, that Paul Banks solo album doesn't count. Chances are, if the new album ever gets made, it's gonna blow chunks, but I just need to hear it.

Arcade Fire: They released a DVD this year, but no new music. They need to make the album that will bring John Peel back from the dead, and they gotta make it quick.

Massive Attack: Have been working on a supposed new album for centuries... *yawn*.

Nine Inch Nails: Trent HAS GOT TO fucking make a new Fragile-esque album to redeem himself and get back all the fans he has lost. I expect nothing short of stellar, Year Zero-like at the very least. If it's like With Teeth, that's it, I'm joining the Manson Army.

My Bloody Valentine: What the fuck, I can't even keep track of what these dudes are up to. So they reunited, right? And there was a new album in the making, right? So where the fuck is it?

UNKLE: I totally digged (dug? dugged?) the new formula these peeps applied on 2007's War Stories, and they need to repeat it every year. Hell, they should release albums like that every month.

Atari Teenage Riot: Yes, I know they're no more. But wouldn't it be nice?

The Rapture: They're just too good to retire yet. I know that with the indie invasion currently taking place in the hipster world, these guys might have already gone out of business, but for what it's worth, they're still my hipster new wave/funk band of choice *hugs*.

White Rose Movement: These dudes have also been working on an "as-of-yet-unnamed" new album since '06, which IMHO is code for "there's no album per se yet but we'll get right to it as soon as the hangover wears out". Haha, who would have thought rockstars would be worse procrastinators than I am?

The Knife: I mean THE KNIFE, beautiful, sweet Karin Dreijer Andersson and her stupid brother Olof making creepy computer music with funny Scandinavian accents, not just one or the other crapping records that critics like to call "Knife-ish 'with an edge'". This being said, I loved Karin Dreijer's sans-Olof effort Fever Ray. It's good, yes, but it's not the same.

M.I.A.: ... On second thought, I heard she's been hanging out with Christina Aguilera and Timbaland. Methinks, if the follow-up to 2007's wonderful Kala ever comes out, it's gonna have Will.I.Am in it and we do NOT want that.

Desert Sessions: I hate to say this, but Josh Homme rocks the motherfucking house in the Desert Sessions. Perhaps all the crusty stoner/slacker dudes that were ever a part of this collective could get back together and make one final volume? Pretty please? I doubt Jeordie White is doing anything remarkable right now. Oh, speaking of, Goon Moon also needs to put out new shit. And White needs to just shower.

The Dresden Dolls: I know Amanda Palmer has her solo shit going on and is shacking up with Neil Gaiman himself, but dude, what about Brian Viglione? I bet he's got bills to pay.

The Jesus and Mary Chain: Currently working on a new album. They need to go back to 1986 and make another Psychocandy, only completely different and more like Darklands... if that makes any sense.

Neutral Milk Hotel: Seriously, angels would cry with joy of they ever release new music.

Radiohead: Because In Rainbows was underwhelming. I heard somewhere in the Twitterverse there's a new Radiohead song spreading through the interwebs like the swine flu. Ok, so technically, Radiohead does not belong on this list. However, if this new track is an In Rainbows outtake, I'm calling bullshit on it, disqualifying it and keeping Radiohead on the list.

A Perfect Circle: Another Jeordie White project that needs to get back to life. One song would suffice, just fucking one!

Dead Can Dance: *sigh* Not happening, not in a million years.

Godspeed You! Black Emperor: What's their status anyway? Dead? Hiatus? Alive? Stoned out of their minds? What the hell, dudes?

Autolux: Ok, so they released the Audience No. 2 single from their highly anticipated second album Transit Transit like a million years ago and still, I have yet to see the rest of the album! I even forgot there's an Autolux album "in production"!

Blonde Redhead: They are kind of out of the radar these days. Hopefully that means they're churning out some amazing new record that will bring the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs to its knees!

M83: Because albums like last year's Saturdays=Youth should come out every year.


So all y'all, please quit fucking around and get to work! The world needs you! There's new Jonas Brothers and Katy Perry albums being made by the hour!

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Now playing: Pati Yang - Summer Of Tears
via FoxyTunes