Bored

I'm blogging cause I am bored. Severely.

I really have no idea what to write about, but I am typing cause it's either this or the destruction of my soul little by little with tedium.

Let's write about something cool. How about Ian Curtis?

Fuck, yeah.

Such a shame he killed himself. Dude was one of the best lyricists of his generation, yet he fucking died. It kind of teaches you something. All good things come to an end. Joy Division was way too cool to die so abruptly. I know, I know, we got New Order, and that's just as good. Well, I'm pretty sure New Order would have happened anyway. There was absolutely no need for Curtis to die.

Listening to New Dawn Fades right now, and it's piercing a hole through my heart. What happened to music and when did it stop being this emotional and gut-wrenching? Where the fuck did it go?

I miss lots of things. I miss better times, and I miss Ian Curtis, even though he was already long gone when I entered this world. I miss the fact that there was a time when music made me cry. I miss when I only cried cause I wanted to.

I am seriously fucking bored. Seriously, all I need is a good topic to write about. Right now even Lady GaGa would be fine.

Eulogy

I'm sorry, but I have lost all love and respect for my career. Translation and Interpretation, that is. At this point, I think it's stuipid, ridiculous and pathetic that I spent so much time fucking around with stupid translations and speeches trying to prove myself and pretend I'm talented at something. I am not. I'd rather spend my life waiting tables than translate for a living. Yes, this sounds spoiled, childish and pissy, but I don't care. I've never been completely certain about the career path I chose four years ago, and tonight, more than ever, I'm sure I made the wrong fucking choice.

I refuse to accept that, in order to be successful in life, I need to be smarter than anybody. I can't bear the idea of spending long, neverending hours in front of the computer thinking of nice-sounding ways of saying some boring, fucked up shit I could care less about. I'm ungrateful, I'm young and immature and unsure about my future. I give you that. But if being a translator/interpreter means being a stuck up, self-absorbed whiny cunt, I'd rather do something a little more dignifying with my time, like growing my own vegetables or learning to make synth music.

I know I'm unsure about a lot of things, but I know the very few I really like, and I know that won't ever change: Music, writing, learning, living and loving. I can't sacrifice any one of my few passions over something I've barely become used to. If I let myself lose one of the few things I still care for, it'll be like voluntarily jumping into a shark-infested ocean.

I don't know what I'm gonna do in the future. I don't even know if I'll be alive long enough to live in the future. All I know is, right now, I don't feel like I belong here, with any of you. Thanks for the memories, though.

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Now playing: Delorean - Seasun
via FoxyTunes

I'm Emo

Nothing's working anymore. Things were getting better, I was getting better. I don't know what happened.

Wait, I know what happened. But I won't say it.

For a while I experimented with happiness. It wasn't really happiness, so much as simply a state of mind where the chaos and loneliness were in the back burner and I was just okay. I liked it, but I knew it wouldn't last. That little beam of light creeping out through the cracks was enough to make me smile, but I've exhausted it and it doesn't work anymore.

Now I feel sorry for the people who thought I was okay. It wasn't my intention and it wasn't a lie. It's just that now... well, now I'm back and I hate myself more than ever cause, most likely, I'll end up hurting every single one of them.

I'm not sure what's causing this massive outpouring of emotion, but it probably has to do with the fact that I've spent two days doing nothing but sleep, cry and cope with a nasty headache, and I just needed to do something desperately before my body starts to slowly decompose.

I'm sorry.

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Now playing: Home Blitz - Bored
via FoxyTunes

OH HELL NO!!!

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!!! Gvujbwduwgdbidhgwuasjnbwugdvwjhdbwuhgdxvwjd xbhusdvxihjwnd bhwegdojkw dkjhbwjknb2wieho2knwkqh hwqsnwjhdbsj2wndkhn!!!

FUCKKKK!!!!


*sigh* You're an idiot. Fuck you a thousand times.


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Now playing: The Dresden Dolls - Coin-Operated Boy
via FoxyTunes

Memories...

Sara's going away party.


Mafer, Sara, Jumby and I. (don't fucking look at me, that's a very unflattering angle)


Julia!


Class of '10, '11, '12, '13 saying goodbye to Sara. Can anyone spot me? I can't.

I miss you already. So does Grecia.

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Now playing: Catherine Wheel - Salt
via FoxyTunes

I hurt myself today...

... because there is no God up in the sky.

Otherwise, I would have been at the Henry Fonda theater in Los Angeles tonight watching the second to last-ever NIN show. Instead, I got to watch the action as it unfolded on Twitter, like all the other losers who couldn't make it to the show (I would have been on Access but my computer goes on a coma whenever I try to access Access, lol). How pathetic.

Highlights:

• Gary Numan (meh, boring) doing Down in the Park, Cars and Metal with the band.
• Former NIN bassist and Brad Pitt impersonator Danny Lohner joining the band for Heresy (dude said it already on Twitter a couple days ago, no big surprise there) and much more.
• That Greg Pusciato (sp?) dude from Dillinger Escape Plan doing vocals on (guess which song) Wish. And Mr. Self Destruct.
• Jane's Addiction bassist Eric Avery joining NIN and Numan onstage for a (as-of-yet-unknown...) Gang of Four cover (update: it was Anthrax).
• NIN covering Gang of Four!!! Fuck yes Trent Reznor did listen to my suggestion that one time!!! I know I have no evidence of this but I know in my heart that I did suggest they play Gang of Four on this tour when he asked for cover suggestions on Twitter, way back when.
• HEALTH joining onstage for who the fuck knows what.
  
• Trent actually showing emotion and smiling quite a lot throughout the show.
  
• Justin Meldal-Johnsen STAGEDIVING during The Hand that Feeds!!! (am I the only one who thinks this would have been SO much cooler if he still had the afro???)
• Atmosphere by Joy Division.
• Get Down, Make Love.
• Head Like a Hole opening the show.
• Mike Garson (as in Mike 'I don't know you but you're cool cause you've worked with Bowie' Garson) playing piano.
• Mike Garson playing piano on Just Like You Imagined. WAIT, WHAT??? Just Like You Imagined, motherfuckers.

I don't even wanna think of the awesomeness that will happen tomorrow on Thursday. The last ever NIN show. Oooohhhh!

Right now I'm fucking depressed and tired and can't find a proper setlist for tonight's show, which is bumming me out. Will update this post tomorrow when I have the official setlist. And the bootleg.

***UPDATE!

Setlist here (from nin.com):

2009-09-08
Los Angeles, CA
Henry Fonda Theater

1. Head like a Hole
2. Terrible Lie
3. Sin
4. March of the Pigs
5. Piggy
6. Echoplex
7. Reptile
8. I'm Afraid of Americans
9. Survivalism
10. Head Down
11. 1,000,000
12. Letting you
13. Burn
14. Gave Up
15. Eraser
16. Just like you Imagined (w/ Mike Garson)
17. The Becoming (w/ Mike Garson)
18. I do not Want This (w/ Mike Garson)
19. Down in the Park (w/ Mike Garson & Gary Numan)
20. Metal (w/ Mike Garson & Gary Numan)
21. Cars (w/ Mike Garson & Gary Numan & Eric Avery of Jane's Addiction)
22. Anthrax (w/ Gary Numan, Eric Avery of Jane's Addiction & the four members of HEALTH )
23. Heresy (w/ Danny Lohner)
24. Get Down, Make Love (w/ Danny Lohner)
25. Mr. Self Destruct (w/ Danny Lohner & Greg Pusciato of Dillinger Escape Plan)
26. Wish (w/ Danny Lohner & Greg Pusciato of Dillinger Escape Plan)
27. The Hand that Feeds
28. Atmosphere
29. Dead Souls
30. The Day the World Went Away
31. Hurt

I can't believe JLYI was played tonight.



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Now playing: Tortoise - Almost Always Is Nearly Enough
via FoxyTunes

Notorious(ly weird) Moment No. 3654456-7-8-9-...

Gross, rich-as-fuck, famous old dude followed me today at the mall. I was scared to death, so I ran and took the first cab I could find away from said old turd and his two minions. Told my friends about it and they all agreed that I should've let him follow me. Dude has a taste for young women and likes to pay a high price for his latest squeeze. I'm scared. I feel like the dude's watching me through my window and can't fucking sleep... so I'm blogging all about it.

Today Sara had her going away party and I had a frozen daiquiri that tasted like a fucking bloody mary. I also ate a fuck load but that didn't keep me from getting drunk on vodka and tequila shots. I'm fucking ashamed of myself, it's fucking Wednesday (ok, Thursday), for fuck's sake.

I literally just found out I'm gonna be a bridesmaid at my best friend's wedding. I don't have a fucking dress to wear, and I'm too fat to look good in it anyway.

***CONTENT CENSORED DUE TO SERIOUS LURKING (fuck trolls).

I miss NY. Can't wait to go back. With my luck, my next trip will be a total disaster, but at least I have something to look forward to that isn't a fucking NIN show until October. If I end up disappointed and broken-hearted, it's cause people are just fucking useless and idiotic and don't know an actual woman's worth.

Wanted to get sushi today for Lis and myself but dude at the sushi joint told me they didn't have any crab or shrimp to make sushi with. Total buzzkill. I mean, what kind of sushi joint runs out of crab and/or shrimp at 4 PM??? Fuckers.

Lost all my shit (literally) at school. Gotta run to the lost-and-found first thing tomorrow morning to see if they got my notebook and pencil case. Pencil case had my only good black kohl pencil and my stash of gum for the month, and notebook had all my crap written on it, including my pot-induced, track-by-track analysis of The Fragile and some tracks of Pretty Hate Machine (Ringfinger lol). I should totally publish my thoughts on Where Is Everybody? if I ever FIND MY FUCKING NOTEBOOK!!!

I'm having serious thoughts about something about someone that I can't tell for fear of getting outcast and shunned by an entire community. I know I'm right though. I'm not telling shit yet, I'll just let time have the last word on it.

GARY FUCKING NUMAN PERFORMED WITH NIN IN LA WHILE I WAS GETTING DRUNK TONIGHT! I mean, what the fuck is up with the world? First Peter fucking Murphy showed up hanging upside down vampire-style from the ceiling at Terminal 5 in NY (and screwed up Reptile) and now Gary Numan performed Cars (ew) and Metal??? What the fuck's next, Bowie doing I'm Afraid of Americans???

Don't fucking talk to me, I'm fucking irate right now.

And that's all.

***UPDATE!

FUCKKKKK! Mother's birthday is tomorrow. I guess I have to call her. Dang, can't believe I almost forgot. I can't believe I remembered just this moment. Wow...

(and why the fuck does this random folder keep opening? I'm sure as hell I'm not opening it myself. Fucking viruses).

kkk, that's all.

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Now playing: The Fall - Industrial Estate
via FoxyTunes

Rant

Why do rich people feel like they're entitled to walk all over everyone and get away with it? I mean, just because they have money doesn't mean they're not a bunch of useless pieces of shit incapable of doing anything remarkable in their sad, pathetic little lives. In fact, the only talent they possess is an astounding ability to annoy the living crap out of everyone they come in contact with who's not as high and mighty as them. I mean, fuck money, it's just a pile of paper, it can't buy you a common sense, or respect for others, or even a fucking clue. If it could, we'd be surrounded by Einsteins and Shakespeares and Gandhis. I think money is evil and I hope I never have it, because I like the way I am now, I think I'm compassionate and respectful and don't think I'm better than anyone and I sure as hell don't wanna change! So, rich people, here's a little piece of advice from yours truly: TAKE YOUR FUCKING BENJAMINS AND SHOVE THEM! YOU KNOW WHERE! It might not mean much to you but I know what I'm saying. It's me today but it won't be long till you get what you fucking deserve, you fucking assholes. And I'm a fucking professional, I know what I'm doing, I know what I'm saying and I can proudly say I'm far smarter than the whole of you combined and fucking prove it! So fuck you very much and I don't give a shit about you people anymore.

And that is all.



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Now playing: Slowdive - Machine Gun
via FoxyTunes

Before I forget...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARA!!!

Hope you're having a great time with your guy in UIO, we'll see you when you get back!

(Can't believe you're fucking leaving us in less than a month. Bitch.)




And rest in peace, John Hughes.

Twitter is still down-ish, btw, and I can't believe I've survived a whole day without it.



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Now playing: Morrissey - Every Day is Like Sunday
via FoxyTunes

Our Flawed Zeitgeist

Twitter is down.



They're saying it's a DDoS attack.



I'm having withdrawals.



Someone PLEASE put it back online. Pretty pleaseee!

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Now playing: Joan Baez - The Angel
via FoxyTunes

Shit happens when I'm depressed

Well, there you go.


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Now playing: Morning After Girls - Hidden Spaces
via FoxyTunes

Oh, not again!

Yet another tragic loss for music. This time, a pitiful, completely unexpected and undoubtedly sad one.

As I said on Twitter, even though I was never a huge fan of his music, I am aware of the enormous impact it had and will continue to have on people and how it changed music in numerous beautiful ways. Michael Jackson was an undisputed talent, an innovative musician and an outstanding performer. His music and his legacy will remain, and new generations of fans will will pay him respect for years to come, new artists inspired by his work will emerge from his ashes, and the world will never forget how remarkable he was.

So, Mr. Jackson, if you're reading this from wherever you are, you should know that the world misses you already. Also, say hello to Ron Asheton for me. And... I think you should apologize to Farrah Fawcett for totally outshadowing her death. :)

Rest in peace, Michael Jackson

Wikipedia

...

Oh, right. Rest in peace, Farrah Fawcett.

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Now playing: Nine Inch Nails - Non-Entity
via FoxyTunes

You Know What Else?

I really hate Vampire Weekend. All those pansies/VW-loving hipsters can just suck my cyber-dick.

Liking The Beatles is easy and overrated. Saying you're a Beatles fan gives you way more credibility than you probably deserve. Sure, The Beatles were awesome, no breaking news there. Try saying Lydia Lunch is awesome and proving it. There are other equally talented artists out there who don't get the recognition they deserve, but one thing is truly liking The Beatles and having a taste, and another is not having a strong enough opinion to dare like something else.

I am obsessed with Grey's Anatomy-ish, chick-friendly indie bands, because I am a chick and there's nothing better than a silly pseudo electronic, female-fronted indie band and a crappy rainy day to make you feel like absolute shit. I wish I could stop listening to stuff like that, but I'm a fucking sadist and I don't like myself on occasions. Like, right now.

I am obsessed with the music of Grey's Anatomy. (see above) I am obsessed with Grey's Anatomy, period. God, I wish I could grow a fucking taste for once and for all.

Sonic fucking Youth is one of the most amazing bands in the history of amazing bands.

Gut-wrenching song of the day: Fleet Foxes - Tiger Mountain Peasant Song. Holy hell, I'm depressed.

I still hate everything, except for one thing: The Fragile. Best album ever made.

And that's it.

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Listening to: Cocteau Twins - In The Gold Dust Rush
via FoxyTunes

You Know What?

I have issues. Deep, serious emotional issues way beyond repair. So do yourselves a favor and don't ever love me.

I think I'm having withdrawals. Or a rare case of swine flu that makes you feel all itchy and sick to the stomach.

I hate everything right now.

That's all.

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Listening to: Wovenhand - Dirty Blue
via FoxyTunes

... He's doing WHATTT?!?

After a couple days of bed rest and Chinese chicken soup, I am finally back to normal. My bowels are slowly going back to their regular routines and my stomach is slowly digesting food at a more normal pace like it used to before I was a huge pig and gobbled copious amounts of sushi which most likely got me in this huge trouble. Feels good to be able to eat chocolate again. Maybe I shouldn't yet, but I'm doing it anyway cause I know what it's like to feel like you're gonna die, and if anything, I wish I'd had chocolate then to make it better, so what the hell. And now that I'm feeling okay again, and have a few hours to kill, I'm gonna take some time to touch upon a subject which I had unfortunately failed to mention. Pardon me, but the shock and the tears were too overwhelming to ignore. I have been sulking and moaning and bitching about this all week, and now it's your turn to hear my juvenile thoughts on...

TRENT REZNOR'S CURTAIN CALL, PT. TWO!!!

Just when we thought he'd got over his emo, drama-queen phase and had forgotten to throw another bitch fit like he did back in December, '08, he comes back with this. According to Ressner's latest post on nin.com, there won't be any more Nine Inch Nails ever. This is the definitive end of the band, it's over, dead forever, kaput. You don't believe me? Fine! Just take a look at this excerpt from His Holiness, Count Tentpole Reznorgasm's note:

In NIN world, 2009 marks the 20th anniversary of our first releases. I've been thinking for some time now it's time to make NIN disappear for a while. Last year's "Lights in the Sky" tour was something I'm quite proud of and seems like the culmination of what I could pull off in terms of an elaborate production. It was also quite difficult to pull off technically and physically night after night and left us all a bit dazed. After some thought, we decided to book a last run of shows across the globe this year. The approach to these shows is quite different from last year - much more raw, spontaneous and less scripted. Fun for us and a different way for you to see us and wave goodbye. I reached out to Jane's to see if they'd want to join us across the US and we all felt it could be a great thing. Will it work? Will it resonate in the marketplace? Who knows. Are there big record label marketing dollars to convince you to attend? Nope.
Does it feel right to us and does it seem like it will be fun for us and you? Yes it does.
Look for tour dates soon and I hope to see you out there.

Trent

Okay, so I paraphrased a little, but basically the jist of the message is clearly what I just said. Trent is sick of all those fangirls throwing big fucking titty bras at him and wanting to bite his thighs that he just wants to quit making music, the biggest passion of his life, forever. I know, it's the end of the world. Trent won't be playing shows anymore, he won't be making his emo-EBM noise anymore, and fans won't have any more halos to pay lots of money for. Oh noooo!!!

...

On second thought, well... he didn't really say he would disappear completely. Like... he just said he would make NIN "disappear for a while." A while that might last a little bit longer than two months, but let's face it, the man must want some time for himself. He has hobbies, like everyone else, that he can't do cause he's too busy humping mic stands and screaming "MOTHERFUCKING PIGS!!!" every night for all ya'll ungrateful fans. Come on, he must want some time off to learn how to knit, or meet with his book club, or... you know, bench press. Besides, he's not the scrawny twenty-something that got onstage every night for nearly two years straight during the Self Destruct tour and its different incarnations. Even though he looks damn fine for a forty-three year old... well, his hip probably isn't what it used to be. So, why don't we just rejoice in the fact that there's still one last chance to see NIN in all its glory before Trent goes back into his coffin indefinitely, and do the impossible to catch one of these last shows. Sure, there's no Josh Freese, or Alessandro Cortini, and Freese is being replaced by a guy my age, and Ally's post is empty, but the shows can't be that bad. There was no Closer at the first Australian show, I was informed. And now that we know the last NIN tour will feature Trent and his cohorts, alongside long-time BFFs, Lollapalooza masters, Jane's Addiction, I know these shows won't be anything short of magical.

However... There are still some questions that I can't help asking myself regarding these forthcoming events in the life of Nine Inch Nails:

• What's gonna happen with Rob once the tour is over?
• What's gonna happen with Robin once the tour is over (or if he gets fired before the end of the tour)?
• Is Trent scared of touring with Jane's Addiction knowing Dave Navarro has "the hots for him"?
• What's gonna happen with Atticus?
• Will there be any more Ghosts before Trent goes on vaca?
• Seriously, isn't Trent scared of Dave Navarro? Like, for real?
• Will I get enough money to catch these guys on tour in April?
• Why does Trent have a Twitter?
• Why hasn't Trent blocked that stalker chick on Twitter?
• IS MICHAEL REZNOR EVER GONNA MAKE UP FOR CANCELLING MY SHOW LAST YEAR???

Trent, if you're reading this, I don't care if you go on a break. I don't care if you decide to retire for once and for all, because, ultimately, you have made me happy beyond words with your music, and I knowing that I'll never find the right way to thank you for it is a depressing thought indeed, so the only thing I can do is wish you all the best and hope you get all that you want, because you deserve it. You gave your best every night last year, you gave your fans two incredible records last year --one of them completely free of charge-- so no one can say you're a greedy, ungrateful artist, and all your fans know that you are far from it. I just hope you give me the chance to see you live before you "disappear for a while" so I can at least wave you goodbye like you asked us to do on your letter. Good luck and thank you and I love you and I will wait patiently for the next episode of the Reznor saga. I know this isn't the definitive end.


*wipes tears* Shit, now I gotta think of ways to make money to go see Trent. Hmmm... what can I sell?


Listening to: Trans Am - Divine Invasion
Eating: Bran crackers
Drinking: Gatorade (I hate hate hate being sick!)

Real quick...

A post that was way overdue --Sorry, school has left little time for me to comment on recent events, such as this one.

Rest in peace, Lux Interior.

Lux Interior and wife, Poison Ivy, performing with The Cramps in '06.

Wikipedia: The Cramps

What is it with all these legendary rockstars dying this year?

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Listening to: The Cramps - Garbageman
via FoxyTunes

On a More Serious Note...

It's very sad to deliver such news, but I have just found out that former Stooges guitarist, Ron Asheton died. Not only is this bad because I had lots of respect for the guy, but also because I find his death premature and unfair.

His career began in the sixties when he and his brother, Scott, joined the seminal proto-punk band The Stooges, along with drummer Dave Alexander and fronted by the batshit-cuckoo James Osterberg, aka Iggy Pop. The rest is rock & roll history, which with all its ups and downs and hits and misses, evidences and praises the unprecedented raw talent of these four individuals. I particularly admire (Ron) Asheton's will power, his dedication and commitment to his work, all of which were strong enough to veer him away from the doomed path of drugs and perdition that his bandmates had succumbed to. Ron Asheton's career continued after the demise of the Stooges, showcasing his talent in the form of other projects, be them soundracks, cameos in films, new bands, collaborations with fellow musicians; and I am sure he had more to offer to the world, more talent to display in the years to come that he unfortunately took with him the day the fatal heart attack caused his passing.

It's sad to hear that one of your personal heroes has died. It's even sadder to hear that their lifeless body laid unnoticed for days before anyone found it. All I can do now is grieve and hope no one goes through that ever again.

From the left: Scott Asheton, Ron Asheton, Dave Alexander and Iggy.

Wikipedia: The Stooges

Ron Asheton, you will be missed.

I was going to rant and squeal and fangirl about Trent Reznor's belated 'super special holiday gift' but after reading this sad news, I'm just gonna go to bed and hope I wake up in a better mood next morning. I can always rant tomorrow. Unless I die like Mr. Asheton... (I'm such a dumbass sometimes...) In the meantime, I recommend everyone give Fun House a listen. That is the album that made me love the crap out of the Stooges, and Ron Asheton for that matter.

Oh, a friend asked me to be a bridesmaid at her weeding! Yay!!! Too bad it's in Briton land.


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Listening to: Ladytron - The Reason Why
via FoxyTunes
(I am in a mournful mood, so no music today).

Close Encounters of the Christmas Kind

A few moments ago I was peacefully sleeping, dreaming of things I'd rather not say out loud, when I abruptly woke up to the sound of something crashing on the floor. My heart is still racing. I'm not the kind to get scared, because I honestly do not believe in ghosts or dwarfs or the tooth fairy, or whatever the hell people like to believe exists beyond the realm of us mortals. Fuck that, if ghosts actually existed, I would have seen one already. Although... that book "accidentally" falling to the floor from the shell where it peacefully lay, and had laid for months until now, made me kind of reconsider my stance on the whole ghosts thing.

Come to think about it, I guess that was life's little alarm clock waking me up to let me know... Yay!!! it's officially Christmas Eve!!! Well, way to fucking wake me up. I can't imagine a better way to open your eyes than to the feel of a heartattack raking your body. Way to fucking go, life.

Now, with the imminent coming of the holidays, and Santa being up in my grill and Christmas carols stalking me everywhere -even my iTunes, I guess the logical next step right now would be to express the giddiness and joy that Christmas evokes in this individual, aka me. Not this time. Other than the usual feeling of loneliness that overcomes me, especially in holidays like this, I don't really feel motivated enough to even wake up tomorrow. Yes, I am a deeply troubled person and I need therapy. One that does not involve spending outrageous amounts of money and the acquisition of heaps of highly unnecessary items of clothing. One that doesn't involve snobby sushi bars either. But, really, what is Christmas about?

Apparently, this is a Western holiday brought to us by our European colonizers, which is supposed to represent the birth of Jesus, one of the highest figures in most Western religions. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I gave up on religion long ago. And I really hate colonization and what those European bastards did to us and our beautiful lands and our culture. Excuse me, but turning us into a society devoid of a cultural heritage, which attempts to leave its cultural mark in the world with shitty movies made by big fat greedy corporate assholes, and cute handcrafts made by poor, underestimated natives, is not the way to bring enlightenment to the savage Americas. So, really, I have no reason whatsoever to celebrate Christmas. Yet I can't help feeling utterly fucking lonely and emotional. Because those people on the streets with their bags full of Christmas presents, and their tables all set with enough food for a whole month, and their apparent love for one another and best wishes and motherfucks... well, they're to blame. Christmas is infectious, it's like the flu. And who can escape it, when everywhere you turn there's a TV set sneezing the virus straight at you with all those crappy made-for-TV Christmas movies and cheesy cartoon shows. Now I'm overeating in the name of Christmas, I'm listening to overly stupid songs about red-nosed reindeers and little drummer boys, and I'm receiving presents, which are supposed to represent love and affection and gratitude. I don't believe in receiving presents. I'm awkward and I don't know what to do with myself eighty percent of the time when I'm in the presence of other humans. And don't get me wrong, it's not lack of gratitude of my part either. It's just a profound lack of words to express myself with... as if, out of the trillions of words I could use to say 'hey, thanks a lot, man,' I find myself thinking way too much, and they all escape me. This is not an exclusive Christmas thing. But yes, it's especially intensified during holidays involving presents. I hate this, because every time I'm faced upon situations such as this, I realize what a failure I am when it comes to interacting with people.

I don't even remember what the point of this long, useless rant was anymore, because that's just how fucking clueless I usually am about things, but... I think what I was trying to say is that, I have a conflictive, love-hate relationship with Christmas. I don't know what the point of it is really, as I have already given enough reasons why I should NOT celebrate it, and I still do, sort of, because everyone else does, and that makes me conventional and lackluster.

Yet... something about the nonsensical magic associated with the whole month of December, and all the goodness it represents, even in a fantastic, completely surreal kind of way, is enough for me to bring out the inner, not-so-secret-child within me and rejoice. Bottom line: I love Christmas, but hate what humans have turned it into.

So, as a way to remain sane until the month comes to an end, I hereby vow that I will NOT indulge in pointless Christmas shopping and binge-eating, and Carol-singing and Christmas-tree-staring. I have enough nonsense on my plate already, thank you very much.

OK, now... A special thanks to all my lovely friends, who have done the impossible to make me feel less miserable this week, which has sucked more than usual thanks to you people and your fucking 'it's Christmas, let's make everyone who's lonely feel like crap' togetherness. In all my holiday blues and my bitterness, I can still thank you guys, because I don't care how you celebrate the birth of Jesus or whatever, I still love you chunks. Thank youuuuuuuu, for the lovely present, and for making Christmas suck less today. Now every time I log onto my last.fm account, I will remember that there are still a few charming, thoughtful men out there. Thanks to today's sushi crew -I have sushi up in my brain right now, I can't even think straight. I had fun today. I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow, when everyone's sharing wonderful Kodak moments with their respective families and I'm lonely with my insane Poodle, but today was just nice.

I'm much calmer now. The book remains spread open (on page 347, from what I can see from over here) on my floor, and fuck me if I get out of my warm bed to pick it up. My bet is, the book is ridden with Christmas elves and tinkerbells and shit and if I do so much as get near it, it will infest me with its dumbass Christmas retardation and I'll be leaving cookies and milk for Santa and hanging a stocking on the fireplace.

Now would be the perfect time to admit that I am actually scared about that damn book falling. Also, I guess I must confess I had too many apple martinis tonight and my thoughts at the moment are anything but coherent.

A present, because despite being a total fucking bitch about Christmas, I'm still sort of nice.



MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS, DUDES!!!


By the way, I'm still waiting for your small holiday gift, Trent Reznor.


Listening to: Love Spirals Downwards - Will You Fade
Eating: Regurgitating sushi. Yuck.
Drinking: Coffee

The PhotoSHIT

Thanks Grecia for the lovely catchphrase: "it's not a photoshoot, it's a photoshit!"

(From Wikipedia.com)

Photo shoot: A photo shoot is generally used in the fashion industry, whereby a model poses for a photographer at a studio where multiple photos are taken to find the best ones for the required brief. A model is not always a person however there are some times when a photo shoot of a food for a magazine is done showing characteristics for commercial use .


Photo SHIT: A photo SHIT is generally used to cheer up Cat when she's going through a rough patch, whereby a model (dumbass, annoying friends of Cat's) poses for a photographer (dumbass, annoying Grecia, friend of Cat's) at a studio (wherever that fucking camera from hell happens to make an appearance) where multiple photos are taken to find the (less shitty) best ones for the required brief (Facebook, Cat's retarded blog, blah blah). A model is not always a person (see above) however there are some times when a photo shoot of a food for a magazine is done showing characteristics for commercial use or entertainment purposes.

Thanks to my beautiful friends for setting up this photoSHIT. I cannot find the words to thank you for your such awesome times. Love you all, XOXO and all that bullshit.






Wanna guess which one's my foot?


















The McShitty dinner.






The flying napkin LOL.



Awww, you guys are so sweet!









Oops.



Shitty beer... can't beat that.


----------------
Listening to: The National - Start A War
via FoxyTunes

Year Zero, anyone?

Hello's peoples of the blogging world. It's Friday and I'm alone in my room listening to incredibly sad music because I have sadistic, masochistic tendencies and enjoy pain and actually love it when sadness pops by. Actually, the only reason I'm home tonight, and stayed home all day -instead of going to dance class with Grecia to learn how to shake mah (invisible) booty, and then getting insanely drunk, as we'd planned yesterday- is because I really have no motivation whatsoever to do anything anymore.

Wonder what the reason might be?


Hmmm, no, not quite that. Good guess, though.


Give up yet? Well, ok then, I'll tell.


Just take a look at this little excerpt from Lord Majesty, M.T. Reznor's latest update on nin.com:

Deep breath...
This was an amazing tour and production - certainly the best thing I've ever been involved with and likely the final tour for NIN on this scale. Thank you to those who came out to see it and forgive me for having a Kanye West moment, but this was FOR SURE the best show of the year and any bullshit end-of-the-year poll you may read in the next few weeks that says otherwise simply has it wrong. Those of you who saw it know I'm right.

The shows we have announced in 2009 and any more that may be announced will be a completely different approach with some different personnel and will likely be the last for the foreseeable future.

Indeed, this is a sign that the world is coming to an ugly, depressing, NIN-less end. I'm waiting for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to show up at my doorstep anytime. Probably this January. And I am pretty sure that hideous Hillary Duff song that "samples" (see my relaxed use of the world sampling? that's called sarcasm) Depeche Mode's Personal Jesus is going to win a Grammy the next day. I'm telling you people, now it's time to repent of all your sins and start listening to some good music for a change before the Armageddon comes our way.

If you've tuned in on this blog thing before, you probably (most likely don't) know about my unfortunate experience with Nine Inch Nails tours earlier this year. If you haven't, let me elaborate: Trent "hot shexy beast" Reznor canceled my fucking show that I had done the impossible to be able to attend, only three weeks before the date, and left me with shit. Literally shit. Well, not literally, as I'm pretty sure that if I'd gotten my hands on Reznor's shit, I wouldn't be so scorned about him cancelling my show... *fangirl moment OMG!* because that's how freakish and fangirly I am. So anyway, after spending a couple days in denial and a couple others stuck on the computer (haha, as if) trying to get me an affordable plane ticket to the closest NIN show, I hit myself over the head (unintentionally) with a wall and realized it was not going to happen. I was not going to see Reznor this year. Well, voi-fucking-la! Little did I know, I was not going to see him ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever... (if you don't get the NIN reference, you suck. And I'm a dork).

Of course, the reactions were, as expected, of shock and disbelief. For a NIN fan, Trent not touring anymore is like telling a Catholic that the Virgin Mary was not really a virgin. Fucking blasphemy! Heresy! A sin! (lol, more NIN references) Because Nine Inch Nails is all about mind-blowing live performances involving mic stand humping, keyboard humping, fist-fucking (figuratively), stage destroying, screaming, moshing and hurting of the wimpiest. A Nine Inch Nails show is the ultimate live experience, whereby a fan is taken to the nirvana of awesomeness and aggression and gothness, and (if lucky) gets splashed with Trent's water bottle. Trent Reznor is so much an entertainer and a performer as he is a creative genius, and no words can be pronounced against his immense talent onstage. And let's not even mention his innate sex appeal. Smexy Trent is something you do NOT want to hear me rant about (more than I already have). It's just not possible. A world where Trent Reznor is not onstage yelling his angsty shit to his black-clad, numetal-y fans is just not worth living in.

This despairing update was posted two cursed days ago, and since I was dealing with some other stuff and filling myself with buckets of ice cream and Chips Ahoy! because I'm a woman and that's the only way we know how to deal with stuff, I had absolutely no energy to think of something stupid enough to say regarding this chaotic event. Now that I completely understand that the world is not cotton-candy sweet and happy and shit, and I'm a bitter old lady with a snarky, sarcastic outlook of things, I am much better, and my brain is filled with enough crap to fill out pages and pages of this blog. Since I'm not the kind to vent out my personal issues for the world to hear them (mostly), I'm just going to stick with moping about the Rez's curtain call, or as I like to call it, the most important shitty news I got this week. And believe me, I got tons.

I know I have no say at all on the decisions Trent makes, and I am sure that he has his reasons to want to quit, but... like, can't he reconsider it? I mean, yes, his voice is fucked up because he strains it an enormous deal so we dorky, ungrateful fans have something to yell 'Nine Inch fucking Nails, fuck yeah!' to at the shows. Yes, he works extremely hard to make every show nothing short of spectacular, and thus impress us dorky, ungrateful fans. Yes, he's too fucking hot for his own good, and exposing us, dorky, ungrateful fan(girl)s to such hotness may cause irreparable damage to our... er, reproductive organs. But, can't he just take a loooong vacation somewhere exotic like Fiji, sleep a lot, massage his bunions and, once he's all brand new and shiny and pretty again, come back to the world of touring? I can be his masseuse! And he doesn't even have to pay me anything! Seriously, I cannot even imagine how hellish the world is going to be without Mr. T onstage.

I know Trent is not going to read this, and I know 99,999999999999999 percent of the world population, or NIN fans (the only people who matter anyway) for that matter, are not going to be stumbling upon this retarded stop on Blogger anytime, I'm just going to dream that someone will one day read this and take pity in my pathetic fangirliness, and ask Reznor to consider this: Trent, please, do not quit. I love you way too much to see you retreat back into your coffin and never ever ever come out again. You and your cohorts have the undying, relentless support of all your minions including yours truly, and you know how loyal we are. We just have no lives and live to worship your ass. I promise you I'll hunt down every motherfucker who ever yelled crap during Hurt and I'll beat them within an inch of their gothness. And all those nasty kids who made fun of you in grade school, I can take them all down if you want. And I can make sure all roadies do as you say, and that Ally makes you lasagna for dinner and Justin Meldal-Johnsen poofs his afro every night as you stated on his contract. I can even kill Axl Rose with my own bare hands if that makes you happy. Just please, please, please, don't go away. In fact, let me illustrate how I see your absence:

The world before and after Trent's retreat.

Although... there's always the possibility that Trent, being the devil that he is, be pranking us naive fans. Huh... Or maybe he was throwing a hissy when he wrote that post and doesn't really intend to quit. Or maybe he just likes to fuck with our heads because he is a very very bad man. Or maybe (insert whatever hopeful theory you can think of). Yeah, that sounds logical. Either way, I was serious about the things I offered above, so if anyone cares to tell Reznor I'm at his service, I will be eternally grateful. Thanks a bunch.

It's 10:51 PM and I just got a call from a friend asking me to come to a party, and I refused, because I'm being introspective and deep and I'm pondering on the days to come. Days without NIN. Oh, God help us, NINies.

*Images courtesy of Zeemort and anotherversionofthetruth.com

(I'm still very fucking angry, by the way).


Listening to: Belle & Sebastian - Ease Your Feet in the Sea
Eating: Special K. Fuck, when did this get so fucking good?
Drinking: Water