Statement

I am not like you.

I curse, I hate, I feel with passion. I understand the importance of being educated but I also understand how one's soul needs a small dose of ditz from time to time. I don't take myself seriously, or pretend I am above the rest. I don't believe in a god, cause I don't need a reason to be alive other than my own existence and making the best of it with what little time I've been given. I have fears and I fail like everyone else, but when I do it, I do it knowing it's an inevitable part of life. I live my life with no regrets, and I am firm about this. My bad decisions have led me where I am, and for the time being, I think it's all good. I am honest and transparent, I don't hide my intentions and I say things as they are. I love and treasure the people who are important to me, and I intensely despise those who are against me. I am spontaneous and impulsive, exciting and interesting. I am strong but I can break, and I'm much frailer than you think.

I am everything you hate, yet I know you would like to be a little bit like me. I don't need to change, for I've wronged no one by being the way I am. I am not a bad person -- I only have very poor judgment. So don't fucking hate me cause you don't understand me or know me well enough to know how I operate. There are plenty of people who love me for who I am, and your disapproval does nothing to me.

And All that Could Have Been

Hi all. I'm taking a break from my usual everyday brooding to bring you the first official review I submitted to a magazine. Of course, it sucks so bad they didn't write back to let me know if they liked it or not, but I think it's pretty much one of the coolest reviews I've written. That says a lot about my judgment and standards, doesn't it? The album sucks a truck load of donkey dick, but I did my best to enjoy it and, much to my embarrassment, I kind of did.

Dying to Say This to You, by The Sounds

Dying to Say This to You is the sophomore album by Swedish power-pop band The Sounds. In an effort to cross over from indie to mainstream, the band delivered an album that is cohesive and spunky, with plenty of catchy elements to make it a favorite among party-fiending teenagers all across the world.

Dying to Say This to You has energy. This energy is represented in the band’s use of synths, the playfulness of the lyrics and their delivery, which found a vigorous and strong ambassador in lead singer Maja Ivarsson, and more than anything, its sass. This is, indeed, a happy record, full of colorful moments to make it memorable. Producer Jeff Saltzman did a good job in providing the band with plenty of synth-rock influence to render a truly commercial pop album. His previous work in The Killers’ Hot Fuss, and the massive success of this album should have been enough of a starting point for the Swedish new wavers to get in the right mindset.

While not a particularly huge fan of pop rock, I can’t help but noticing the strengths of this album. It is undoubtedly enjoyable, fun and cheerful. It features plenty of 80’s-evoking keyboard lines to appeal to my new wave-loving self, and at times, one can find comfort in harsh, garage-rock-style guitars and edgy vocals. Much of the band’s shortcomings are seen in their songwriting – which proves juvenile and simplistic at times – and slightly annoying overproduction.  This is not a mean record, full of anger or raw power, but it will surely put your ears at ease and take you to a sweet place – a place where you will dance non-stop and enjoy being young.

This album spawned a slew of good tracks, most represented by “Painted by Numbers”. This is, absolutely, one of the strongest tracks of the album, in which one can clearly see the band at its finest: vivacious synths, feisty delivery of vocals – reminiscent of Debbie Harry or PJ Harvey – and heavy guitar riffing.  Other standout tracks include the single “Song with a Mission,” the earnest ballad “Night After Night” and “Queen of Apology.”

Creative, spontaneous and packed full of pop sensibilities and teenage energy, Dying to Say This to You has carved out its own place in mainstream pop and my synth-loving heart.

I guess I'm not good at anything I actually feel motivated to do. Heh, that's life.

UPDATE:

Turns out, the delay was due to the fact that everyone in the magazine read my review and were discussing it and deliberating about it. And guess what? They loved it. Today, I got an email from them telling me I was hired. So there you have it, I am officially a music journalist. Er, or whatever.

Go here for more info on the magazine I will be writing for.

Tales of Mere Hatred

There's one thing I really hate: Women who think they can conquer the world with male attention.

This is not a jealous or spiteful post written out of scorn, or whatever-the-fuck-excuse people might give to explain my bitching. It's just not right and that's how it is.

As a woman, I understand perfectly one's need for attention from the opposite sex. It's like a guilty pleasure (for girls who know better than obsess with male attention) - you know it's completely useless and unnecessary, but it's more than welcome when it's given. It's good for your self esteem and doesn't hurt anybody. That's how I see it. I don't need it, or live for it, or spend copious amounts of time striving to get it.

Some women rely on it and make their lives revolve around the idea of men jacking off to them. Not me. Instead, I rely on my talents, intellect and charm to achieve what I set myself to. If I need friends, I will make them. Not by flirting my way into a clique, but by using my social skills. If I need to learn something, I do it, because I am capable and smart; I don't ask men to do it for me. I don't need men to tell me I am pretty, and I don't need to show men how pretty I am just because I can.

I understand that some women are not capable of doing some things. Some are definitely smarter than others. It's not really about how smart you are, but how you've been brought up. If you've been raised to believe you're pretty and that's all you are, then you're fucked forever, cause you really aren't. Beauty is only skin deep, but a fully developed personality and brains go a long way, you dipshits. Instead of worrying so much about drawing male attention and flirting with anything that moves and has a penis, worry about what you've accomplished in life and how. It annoys me to have to deal with women whose only talent is attracting attention from guys. It demeans all women and gives way to ugly, hurtful stereotypes that some of us would be much better off without.

Gah, I'm not bitter. I know who I am and I know I am much more than just a pretty face. I'm just overly bitchy and get annoyed easily. You guys should be used to that by now.

Another Year, Another Problem

Hi, it's me again, and I have another problem to talk about.

People who can't fucking grow up.

Flaws and virtues considered, I think I am a fairly immature person. I think I should mention I am only 22 years old (young?) at the time, and as such, not expected to be an expert in all things grown-up.

You know what? I am a little mature, I think. For a twenty-fucking-two year old, I have been able to fix some really deep problems that had the potential of destroying my life in the future. I was able to quit drinking for good, despite the ubiquity of alcohol in my life, and have steered away from drugs like a decent, model citizen should. I have overcome fears, traumas and inhibitions, and I think I am on my way to being a "normal" person again. I am only months away from ending a very crucial period in my life, and am already considering ideas and plans that would increase my level of maturity by at least a 30 percent. Did I mention I can drive now?

Yet I am *still* only twenty-two.

Emotional maturity is different and much more complex than it sounds, I know. I know I am not growing in this department quite like I should be, but I'm working on it, and that is mature enough for me. It's hard to become emotionally mature when you've just started living like an adult, and it's unfair of people to demand emotional maturity of someone in this condition. It is also unfair of people to put their trust and hopes on me, and expect everything to be perfect forever being aware that I am not mature enough to carry that big a weight on my shoulders.

This is, by no means, a rant or an accusation. Well, it kind of is a rant, but I rant about everything so it's really no big deal. I am too young and inexperienced for grown-up living. Life is still overwhelming for me, and I am still trying to cope with the fact that the whole world is out there and I have yet to start living. It's frightening to think that life can be caged, and bound and tied down and stored aside, even more so when it is your own life going towards that direction.

So yeah, I might have made some wrong calls in these last few months. I might have trusted my poor judgment for very important matters. I probably caused a lot of damage. I fixed it before it was too late, fortunately, and that's what matters. I once vowed to never regret, and I haven't yet. And I won't ever regret not regretting.

I guess this rant is directed at myself, or whoever. Or whoever. I am sick of not living and waiting for things to happen so I can start living. This new year, I am trying to live by a friend's coined mantra of "I will be less of a shit every day", and thus fix my idiot, little girl problems one step at a time, but for good. I think it might work. I just need to start fucking doing stuff for myself and no one else.

A Year in Bullshit

In case you haven't been tuning up lately, here's what happened this year that made it so "special":

• I quit my old horrible job and got another one that [didn't] suck. 
• I finished school.
• My big mouth got me #1 in my dean's shitlist. 
• I made great friends.
• I got in a lot of trouble.
• I went to NYC and had a great time buying lots of things.
• I saw Swans live at the Bowery Ballroom.
• I signed up for driving lessons (NEW!)
• For the first time in my life, my mother is cooking New Year's dinner. (NEW!)
• I got to a point where I was mostly stable, only to have everything crap out on me and push me back to complete and utter disaster.
• I tasted kulfi.
• I fell in love with kulfi.
• I used a CAT tool for the first time.
• I deleted my entire music collection, yet again. I'm actually very impressed with myself, cause this time I actually sent my entire hard disk drive's contents into total oblivion. My stupidity apparently knows NO bounds.
• I became inappropriate and nasty, and developed quite a crass vocabulary (via "a penis dipped in bullshit").
• Trent Reznor had a baby and released the How to Destroy Angels EP, the single most narcissistic, uncreative and self-indulgent piece of crap to be released under Reznor's name. Then he released the soundtrack for the Social Network, and THAT became the most narcissistic, uncreative and self-indulgent piece of crap ever released under his name. Sadly, I now know he won't be able to reproduce the miracle of The Fragile ever again, and I've reconciled with those feelings of frustration to find peace. On a lighter note, thanks to a friend, The Fragile has experienced an impressive revival in my music library and now I can't seem to get enough of it. Again.
• I think I might have found my new best friend.
• I bought a dildo, which I haven't used, ever.
• Lots of people died. LOTS of people. RIP all y'all.
• To my mother's joy, I gained some weight. To my joy, I have now lost it.
• I think I might have found reasons to love myself. I am getting there.
• I found the light and I know what I want to do for the rest of my life: Save the world. I now know what I want to do for my Master's: Human Rights.
• Lots of people had their naked pictures leaked online.
• I learned to control my drinking. I hardly ever drink anymore, and if I do, I do it wisely. 
• I changed my legendary iPod for a Sony Walkman mp3 player. Not sure if that was the best choice. 
• Music this year kind of sucked. It REALLY sucked. I will get on that later, when I have a little free time. 
• I learned a new, highly marketable skill: SEO.
• I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and graduation finally seems to be in the near future. 
• I found out I would be losing one of my best friends soon. :(
• Music obsessions this year: HEALTH, UNKLE, Swans (of course), Nick Drake, Concrete Blonde, HTRK, Siouxsie and the Banshees, PJ Harvey and the Once OST.
• My friends were dearly missed. I realize I neglected lots of them this year, and I plan on doing something about it in '11.
• I think this year I managed to suck a little more than the last. I will probably say this exact same thing next year.
• Lady GaGa didn't die.

Other than that, I think this year was quite ordinary. See you all in 2011 and I hope you guys are having a better time than I am. 

P.S. Tomorrow, I will upload a video of my eye here. It's easily one of the funniest things I've done all year.

*EDIT:

Welcome to North Korea

It's really frustrating when things around you start to change for the worse, and there's no way to stop it.

My job used to be cool. Very cool. Now it's like a pressure cooker and we're all stuck in it with no room to fucking breathe.

Ya know what they did? They put bans on Facebook, Twitter and Youtube so we can't log in from our computers.  So we can work and slave away and produce, produce, produce more money for a heartless owner who really doesn't give a shit about anything but himself.

Seriously, are we doing that bad that such measures need to be taken?

FAIL!

Huge Barrels of AIDS

This is going to sound too damn cliche coming from me.

I hate attention whores, fame whores, no-good sluts and anyone who's famous for doing absolutely nothing.

I believe in fairness and earning one's money the right way. The world is already unfair enough with all the genocides and wars and social inequality to be letting ordinary sluts take control of the entire planet.

Who cares what Miley Cyrus smoked on her birthday? We all know she's doomed to have a sex tape leaked on the internet soon, and her rehab stint is probably already paid for. Why is it surprising the kid is doing drugs? And why do we care she is? I bet we wouldn't care that much if it was one of our own friends doing it. We wouldn't even give a shit if we ourselves did it!

"Lindsay is my role model."

And what about Kim Kardashian's ass? I know LOTS of women with an ass just as big as hers, and I don't see them naked all over the internet. In fact, I know people whose big asses are far more talented than Kim Kardashian's will ever be, and I don't see them making big bucks for showing up at parties and blowing crusty ass dudes.

Big talent

Seriously, die already. I really hope all these girls fall into a huge pool of AIDS with their eyes wide open and go the fuck away. They really don't do anything for humanity, and the world wouldn't suffer if they were gone. Maybe lots of nerdy sociopaths will cry at the loss of their daily supply of masturbatory material, but I am pretty sure they would find a replacement soon. Hentai would be a good choice.

Thanks to my good friend Eduardo for coining the term "barrel of AIDS" and letting me use it, as well as its myriad variations. Kim Kardashian's ass is a huge barrel of AIDS.